


That's Not Who I See

by Jedisftw



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dream Sharing, M/M, Minor Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Minor Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast, Soul Bond, This takes place after Travelercon, and its real gay you guys, i will add more tags as i go as i want to keep some surprises lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jedisftw/pseuds/Jedisftw
Summary: “I’m doing okay. Wondering if I’ll learn my lesson one day and not just touch everything that looks slightly interesting.” Fjord joked.Or: Fjord and Caleb accidentally soul bond.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 49
Kudos: 212





	1. Why Are We Doing This Again?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I randomly got inspired the other day and ended up planning this whole fucking fic, and then wrote a whole chapter in one day somehow, so here you go I guess.  
> Massive shoutout to my beta-reader @coruscantspark for helping me.

  
Fjord walked slowly through the mossy trees, pushing long green vines out of his path with a twig he had picked up about 10 minutes earlier.

“Can someone remind me why we’re doing this again?” He grumbled, wiping his arm across his forehead. His sleeve came away sticky, and he grimaced, quickly rolling it up to his elbow. This damn heat was making him sweat more than he did when Beau convinced him to train with her.

“Oh, do we usually have a reason?” Caleb quipped, and Fjord snorted in response as he pushed aside another overgrown vine. He heard Beau swear violently a few feet behind him and turned to watch with amusement and slight sympathy as she ripped a fat leech off of her calf.

“Did you really not know this island was here, Fjord? This place is preeetty close to Nicodranas.” Jester asked playfully as Fjord turned to face the front again.

“I didn’t…” Fjord replied with a frown. He would be stupid if he pretended he knew every island out there, but Jester was right in that it was near the coast. It was at most a 2-day trip. The fact that it was deserted didn’t matter, it should still be on any map that prided itself on being accurate. That it wasn’t meant – islands couldn’t just appear one day, right?   
  
They walked for another half hour, the group only getting grumpier by the minute, before Fjord finally saw something different from the endless green of vines and moss. A massive tree stood not even 20 feet ahead, surrounded by an array of many types of flowers and other strange plants. He waved the others forward with bewilderment, and one by one they all stopped and stared with the same confusion that he felt. Eventually, Yasha moved forward to crouch where the circle of flowers started and ran a finger along the edge of a dark purple one.   
  
“Do you think – would it be bad for me to take a few of these flowers, Caduceus?” She asked hesitantly. Caduceus moved from where he stood next to Veth and kneeled beside her. The whole group waited for a few moments while he spoke in quiet Sylvan to the plants. He eventually blinked in surprise, before turning to Yasha with a grin, though it held a hint of caution.  
  
“They say that they are meant to be taken. They would be happy to go with you.” He relayed. The whole group stared. Veth backed up before pointing her crossbow at the flowers with suspicion.   
  
“Okay, that – that is not normal, that’s not fucking normal, guys. What the fuck do they mean they want to be taken, Caduceus?” Beau exclaimed. Fjord felt just as cautious. While Caduceus started to talk to the flowers again, Fjord closed his eyes and prayed to the Wildmother for advice. He felt her presence, a gentle breeze circling him before he felt a soft push towards the circle. The breeze then left with what sounded like a motherly laugh. Maybe this place was the Wildmother’s then? Fjord thought for a second. Well, they did always say he was the reckless one. He took a step into the circle.  
  


The whole group immediately shouted out their complaints, Caleb reaching for his component pouch, and Beau reaching for Fjord, looking at him like he was insane. Caduceus slowly stood up from where he had been kneeling and took a step forward as well.   
  
“The Wildmother says we are welcomed here.” Caduceus smiled openly, a lot less cautious now in his curiosity as he examined the different plants. Veth carefully lowered her crossbow, while Yasha started considering which flowers to pick. Caleb still looked cautious, but Fjord knew that his curiosity would outweigh that cautiousness eventually. He took a few steps forward, looking at the tree he had felt the Wildmother pushing him to, and felt his interest rise as he saw something carved into the tree. Getting closer, he could see there was an imprint of a hand in the middle of the trunk, with different runes surrounding it.   
  
“Caleb, I think I’ve found something.” Fjord called out, starting to trace the enchantment with his fingertips. He heard Caleb making his way over, and it was only a few seconds before Caleb was beside him, humming with interest as his eyes scanned the runes. Caleb then circled round to the opposite side and let out a surprised noise.   
  
“There seems to be a copy on this side of the tree.” He noted, voice brimming with fascination as he raised his hand to trace the runes like Fjord was doing. Footsteps sounded behind him, and Fjord looked to see Beau glaring at the tree with distrust.  
  
“I don’t like this place.” Beau grumbled. Fjord pushed his hand into the imprint and marvelled at how it seemed to fit his hand shape exactly. “A weird island just appears out of nowhere, and suddenly there’s this weird circle of flowers surrounding this weird fucking tree with weird fucking runes and-“ Fjord heard no more of Beau’s complaints, because just as Caleb moved his hand towards the other imprint, a jolt of what felt like lightning ran through him, and his world faded to black.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Fjord woke up with a gasp.  
  
“You alright there, Captain?” Beau questioned as she kneeled in front of him, eyes hard. She was drumming her fingers nervously on her staff. Fjord sat up slowly, bringing his buzzing hand up to his chest. He didn’t feel bad, exactly, but there was a weird pressure around his ribs. Though he didn’t know if pressure was quite the right word, it felt light, welcome, good-  
  
“Hey!” Beau flicked him on the forehead. He flinched. She actually looked worried now. “Don’t fucking space out. Does it hurt anywhere?”  
  
“I don’t think so?” Fjord replied, rubbing his chest. Beau’s eyes zeroed in on it, and she poked him, hard, right in the middle of his ribcage. Fjord jolted in pain at what almost felt like an attack.  
  
“Ow! Don’t poke me, your hands are a bloody weapon! I said I was fine!” Fjord complained, bringing his other hand up to his chest to defend it should Beau get an urge to do it again.  
  
“Didn’t sound all too convincing to me.” Beau muttered with a sullen look. Fjord rolled his eyes and stood up, looking around him to make sure everyone else – mostly Caleb – was okay. Caduceus was examining the tree with a grimace, Yasha beside him, while Veth gestured wildly at a blushing Caleb, whose hand was being examined carefully by Jester.  
  
“Are you alright, Caleb?” Fjord asked, making his way over. He did feel kind of responsible for what had happened, considering he was the one who told Caleb it was there in the first place.

“Ah, yes, I am fine, thank you Fjord.” Caleb reassured with a nervous smile. He noticed that Caleb’s other hand was rubbing slightly at his chest, just as Fjord had done only a few seconds ago. Caleb dropped it as soon as he saw where Fjord was looking and then tugged his occupied hand out of Jester’s grip. “What about you, Fjord?”

Fjord realized he was staring and quickly looked back up into Caleb’s eyes.

“I’m doing okay. Wondering if I’ll learn my lesson one day and not just touch everything that looks slightly interesting.” He joked. Caleb’s eyes filled with amusement, and he let out a small huff of air that could barely be interpreted for laughter, but it filled Fjord with a giddy sort of pride all the same. It was rare to make Caleb laugh. Caduceus suddenly stepped in front of him, bringing his hand up to Fjord’s forehead as if he was checking his temperature. Fjord blushed.  
  
“It seems like everyone is okay. Not sure exactly what that was, but the Wildmother has no complaints, so I’m sure everything’s fine. Everyone needs their rest though, especially after something like that, so I think we should all head back to the campsite we built last night. If everyone is agreeable, of course.” Caduceus suggested, stepping back from Fjord to look at the rest of the group. Veth was the first to agree.  
  
“Sure, I could rest. I’m hungry too. Can we have mushroom soup for dinner tonight, Caduceus?” She asked, reaching out and grabbing Jester’s hand. Caduceus nodded. That seemed to get everyone else into motion, and they waited for Caleb to point out the direction they needed to go before starting the trek back. Fjord noted that most people were still on edge – after all, something had to have happened there, spells don’t just get triggered and then do nothing – but were willing to at least leave it for now, with all of them being so exhausted and the spell having no obvious immediate effects.

They walked back to their camp with a lot less chatter than they had on the way there, as for the most part everyone just wanted to get some sleep. At least, Fjord thought as he rubbed his chest again, the sun was going down, and the heat was a lot less intense. That had been the worst part of the whole thing, blacking out from random unknown spells included.  
  
The sigh of relief as they all reached the campsite was almost palpable. Fjord walked over to Caduceus as soon as he started getting out the mess kit, intent on helping him, but the Firbolg waved him away with a gentle smile.  
  
“You need your rest, Fjord. Lie down, I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.” Caduceus offered, and Fjord nodded tiredly. Some rest wouldn’t go amiss right now. He almost stumbled over to his bedroll in his exhaustion, before collapsing onto his back, throwing his arm over his eyes to block out the light of the campfire. Thankfully most of the Nein were also resting, and the only things that could be heard were a light whispering between Jester and Veth, along with the sound of Caduceus cutting mushrooms.   
  
Fjord brought his other hand up to his chest once more (this was going to become a habit, wasn’t it), and finally let himself fall into the strange feeling that had been bubbling under his skin, calling him, ever since he had woken up. It was a weird pressure, a feeling that had its centre in his chest, and it was good. Good, positive, valuable. It was new, and exciting, and he could feel it was brimming with potential like he had never felt anything before. It was innocence and wonder, happiness and passion, and most of all it felt like love. So much love. Unending, insistent love, that was true and real and tangible and it was surrounding him and he felt his chest heave and – he was crying. He could feel the tears slowly trailing down his cheeks, and he could barely bring himself to care because this was the best he had ever felt in his life.   
  
“Dinner’s ready!” Caduceus called, and Fjord blinked. Had Caduceus prepared it that quickly? He hastily wiped his tears away, sat up, and went to get some of Caduceus’ famous mushroom soup.  
  



	2. Even When You Dream, I'll Be With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Quick warning before the chapter, Ikithon is in the beginning scene. Canon levels of manipulation and violence but thought I should mention it just in case.
> 
> The minor caleb/jester and fjord/caduceus tags start coming into play in this chapter too. They're not major ships or anything, but they're prominent enough that I tagged them.
> 
> With all that in mind, please enjoy the chapter!!

Fjord was trembling on his knees, wrists chained behind him to the wall, as he tried to think through the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. Inhale, exhale. Once more. There had to be a way out of this. He pulled hard against the restraints, wheezing with effort to try and reach a hysterical Caleb, before the chains yanked hard at his wrists, pulling him back. Scowling, he opened his eyes. Ikithon was looking at him, his expression a weird mix of indifference and glee. Fjord idly dreamed of a world where the loathing and disgust he felt for the man managed to wipe him from the face of Exandria itself.

Ikithon turned back to Caleb, who was barely standing, shaking violently against the adjacent wall with his head in his hands. He hadn’t moved to pick up the dagger.

“Come now, Bren, don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Trent ordered. “You know I can make you if need be. I just don’t want it to come to that.” Every word he said was filled with a vile imitation of understanding and sympathy, and Fjord felt bile rise to the back of his throat. Arrogantly, Trent sauntered over to the trembling wizard, and Caleb let out a quiet sob. Unconsciously, he brought his hands up to his face, as if the motion could prevent Ikithon from seeing him. As if maybe it would make Ikithon leave him alone. Fjord once more thrashed against his restraints. He had to get to him. 

“Why don’t you kill me yourself, you fucking coward!” Fjord yelled fruitlessly, tears that were clumped under his eyelids now falling in his desperation. If he couldn’t even keep Caleb safe, then what good was he? Caleb was his, one of the family he had sworn to protect, and when it came down to it, he was completely fucking useless. Swiftly, Trent turned to give him a poisonous smile.

“Traitors should not speak.” He said, before grabbing Caleb’s hair and forcing him to meet his eyes. “Bren,” Trent purred, voice sickly sweet. “It doesn’t have to be this way. You know it’s the right thing to do. He’s a follower of the Wildmother, a traitor. Take that knife and do what needs to be done.”

Fjord could see Caleb crying, shoulders shaking, but he was no longer making any noise. Fjord was livid. The pressure around his chest screamed, and Fjord wanted to scream too.

Despite how scared he must have been, Caleb looked up at Ikithon, gaze fraught with contempt, and spat right in his face.

“I am not your tool, you sadistic fuck.” he snarled. Fjord had never been more proud and scared at the same time. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Trent bitterly raised one hand to wipe at his face.

“Very well, Bren.” Trent accepted, tone like steel. “It seems that I will just have to force you.”

He muttered under his breath, a sharp and discordant cluster of sounds, and Fjord shivered as Caleb’s eyes went blank. “Kill the traitor.” Trent commanded, and Fjord watched as Caleb slowly picked up the dagger and started walking towards him. Fjord looked him right in the eyes, trying to ignore how the blank stare made his insides churn. Those eyes should always be filled with keen intelligence and curiosity, full of wonder. This was so wrong.

“It’s okay, Caleb,” Fjord promised, voice confident and firm, “it’s okay.” To be honest, he didn’t know if Caleb would be able to deal with the murder of someone else he cared about, but perhaps if he knew Fjord didn’t hold it against him, there might be a chance. “I know this isn’t what you chose. It’s going to be okay. The rest of the Nein will be here soon, and they’ll look after you. Please know that I don’t think badly of you because of this, I never could. You know that I…" Fjord trailed off as he saw Caleb stop in his tracks, the man starting to shake violently. Blank eyes became hauntingly aware, and he took a step back, his muscles tense and stiff.

“You know what happens when you resist this spell, Bren.” Trent warned, eyes narrowed. Caleb paid him no attention, instead looking at Fjord with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. Fjord froze.

A second later, Caleb clutched his head and screamed in agony.

Fjord screamed too.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Fjord was brought out of the worst nightmare of his life by a pastry hitting him in the face. Ears ringing, heartbeat loud in his chest, he desperately took a few strangled breaths.

“Whoops! Sorry, Fjord!” Jester called, voice louder than usual so she could be heard over the boisterous laughter of Veth and Beau. He realized with relief that the calm pressure was still there, it’s presence grounding and comforting, and he moved one of his hands to his chest to feel it better. The relief was near-instant, and he felt his heartbeat start to calm, the ringing in his ears slowly fading away. He shakily sat up, giving a quick glance in the direction of the laughter (was Jester juggling) before immediately looking over to Caleb’s bedroll.

The wizard was still lying down, but he was clearly awake. Awake, and trembling, face pale. Fjord felt his throat tighten with worry at the sight, but before he could ponder on what exactly had Caleb so upset, the wizard brought a hand up to his chest, as Fjord had done only moments ago. His trembling immediately lessened, a weak smile appearing on his face, and Fjord stared. So, Caleb felt the calm pressure too.

It had probably come from the weird tree spell yesterday, seeing as that’s when it had started for him, but whether that was true or not, Fjord was glad that Caleb was experiencing it with him. The pressure, the feeling, whatever it was, it was good. Kind. And gods knew that Caleb needed something like that. Fjord proceeded to swiftly ignore the voice in his head when it whispered the real reason having something in common with Caleb made him happy. He was over that. He was.

“Is everything okay?” Jester asked suddenly in front of him, frowning slightly. “I was just practising my juggling, I didn’t throw it at you on purpose.” Fjord quickly looked up at her and tried to put on his most reassuring smile. So that’s where the pastry had come from.

“I’m fine, Jessie. Just a bad dream. What’s for breakfast?” Fjord tried, hoping the mention of breakfast would distract her. As much as he loved Jester, this was something that felt personal to him and Caleb, despite them not having talked about it yet. She continued to frown for a second, but eventually let it go.

“Caduceus thought we could all use a pick-me-up this morning, so we’re going to finish off the pastries Essek brought us the other day. We’ll be back in Nicodranas soon, so I can buy some more then.” Jester grinned. Fjord nodded his thanks and got out of his bedroll, quickly diverting to grab two portions of food before heading over to Caleb. The wizard was still shivering slightly in his bedroll, his breathing a little off, but he was at least sitting up now. He looked up as Fjord approached, and gave him a hesitant glance, but then allowed him to sit down, shifting over to give Fjord some space. Fjord sat down in the offered place and gave Caleb his plate, who took it without meeting Fjord’s eyes.

“Sleep okay?” Fjord pressed. From the looks of it, he’d had a dream just as bad as Fjord’s. He watched as Caleb picked up a pastry and chewed methodically on it, giving a small shrug. Fjord turned back to face the group, hoping that Caleb would feel more comfortable speaking about the possible nightmare without Fjord looking at him. Unfortunately, Caleb stayed silent, and Fjord sighed under his breath. He seemed uncomfortable around him this morning. So much for their supposed connection. He wondered, slightly hurt, if it would be better for him to leave Caleb alone to eat in peace. Sometimes people (but especially Caleb, Fjord thought) needed their space, whether or not Fjord wanted otherwise. He turned to tell Caleb he was going to help Caduceus start the washing up, but found Caleb already looking at him.

They stared at each other for a good few seconds before Caleb’s face crumpled, eyes sorrowful, and expression filled with torment. Fjord immediately panicked, and he opened his mouth to say something, anything to comfort him, but his mouth was dry and no words came. Caleb let out a pained noise, high in his throat, and closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply, once, twice, before looking at Fjord once again. This time the expression was less troubled, and there was a genuine smile on his face, even if it was small. Fjord softly smiled back.

Caleb’s eyes scanned his face hesitantly, looking for what, Fjord didn’t know, but he must have found something he liked, because he shifted on his bedroll to sit closer to Fjord, sending a quick glance his way to make sure he didn’t mind. Fjord answered the look by sitting even closer, just shy of actually touching Caleb, and waited with bated breath to see if Caleb would pull away, or tense. He didn’t. Fjord smiled down at the plate in his hands.

He was aware that this was much closer than Caleb usually liked to be to anyone when he had a choice, and despite his worry about what Caleb’s earlier expression meant, he couldn’t help but be pleased. He felt his smile start to grow into a small grin, proud and satisfied. Caleb didn’t do things like this lightly. It meant he trusted Fjord, wanted to be near him enough he could ignore the warnings in his head, and Fjord couldn’t stop the giddy feeling that was dancing in his chest if he tried.

They spent the next few minutes eating in companionable silence, taking in each other’s closeness, while they watched the rest of the Nein. Jester was still juggling, pastries soaring through the air, as Beau and Veth cheered her on. Yasha seemed content just to watch the chaos and not get involved but was laughing at their antics all the same. Fjord turned to check on Caduceus and felt his expression turn soft as he saw him calmly brewing some tea. The Firbolg almost exuded comfort, and even though he was a good few feet away, he still managed to relax Fjord further. He had to make sure he didn’t fall asleep, he was so relaxed, Fjord thought with amusement, or he might fall against Caleb. The last thing he wanted was to scare Caleb off when he was finally allowing himself to be close to Fjord.

He gave the man in question a quick glance to make sure he was still comfortable with their seating arrangement and noticed that he was looking over at Jester and Beau with a bittersweet smile. Jester had stopped juggling, and the girls were now giggling and whispering to each other. A weird feeling started to make itself known deep in his chest, but he ignored it, staring at Caleb with a raised eyebrow and waiting for the wizard’s eyes to meet his own. Caleb immediately turned red upon noticing Fjord’s look and stared down at his nearly empty plate.

“Like the glue of the group, huh?” Fjord teased, and Caleb rolled his eyes good-naturedly, the only tell of his nervousness being the way he rubbed his thumb back and forth on the edge of his plate.

A few minutes later everyone had finished eating, and the group started to pack up.

“So, we’re all going back to the ship right? Everyone agrees that we don’t wanna stay here another fucking minute?” Beau pressed, eyes scanning the group as she slung her bo staff up to rest on her shoulder.

“I think that would be wise.” Yasha agreed. Fjord quickly checked he had all his belongings, maps and waterskin in place, before standing up and stretching with a yawn. Jester put on the bright pink haversack as she walked over to Caleb, poking him softly in the chest as he checked his book-holsters were on correctly.

“Which way to the ship, Caleb?” She asked, giving him her biggest grin. Caleb gave her a small smile in return. Fjord vaguely noticed the weird feeling was popping up again, and he insistently pushed it down. The pressure around his chest almost seemed to sigh, the comforting feeling turning slightly dejected. Fjord frowned.

“It is a few miles in that direction.” Caleb answered with a lazy point, slowly starting to walk, and the rest of the Nein automatically fell into their usual marching order around him. The group was a lot more lively this morning, compared to yesterday. Jester was singing loudly, and Veth and Beau were encouraging her, laughing as they bashed vines aside in time with her song. Fjord couldn’t help but feel light-hearted, and his smile only grew wider as the pressure around his chest turned back towards that buoyant, lively feeling with every minute that passed.

After a half-hour or so, Jester stopped suddenly with a gasp, pointing to the top of a tree just ahead of them.

“Is that a red panda?” She squealed, almost bouncing in her excitement. Fjord squinted up at where she was pointing, putting a hand over his eyes to block out the sun. There was a small red shape up in the mossy tree, and a fluffy tail was waving lazily back and forth. Fjord had to admit that it was pretty cute, no matter how much he hated this island.

“Oh, that is adorable.” He heard Yasha murmur, and the rest of the group hummed in agreement.

“Do you think it wants to be our pet, Caduceus?” Jester asked hopefully, giving him her version of puppy eyes. Caduceus took a step forward, looking up too, before calling out a few words in Sylvan. The red panda disappeared from sight.

“I think that was a no.” Caduceus observed, and Fjord shook his head in fond amusement. He was about to joke that the panda had heard of the legendary Sprinkle when he noticed Veth. She was looking around frantically, hand going to her crossbow.

“Where’s Caleb?” She demanded, and the rest of the group startled before looking around as well.

“He’s just a minute behind, I’ll go get him.” Fjord volunteered, turning on his heel and starting to walk back. The group said nothing in response, so Fjord assumed no one had a problem with this course of action. But then Jester piped up.

“How did you know that, Fjord?” She asked, confused. Fjord paused.

Caduceus hummed, adding, “Even I didn’t see him leave.”

How did he know where Caleb was? He hadn’t seen him leave either, he was sure – but no, he must have. Because it couldn’t be anything else. Because saying ‘he just knew’ was definitely not a normal answer. The pressure was tight around his chest, trying to tell him something. Fjord clutched it lightly with one hand.

“Maybe you’re off your game, Caduceus.” Fjord tried to tease, but even he could tell that his voice lacked confidence. No one seemed to press the issue, however, so he allowed himself to relax a little as he walked on. After a minute he indeed came across Caleb, who was on his knees, chuckling, holding a lion cub up to his face. It was about the size of a regular cat, and it was licking him very enthusiastically.

Fjord had to stop himself from bursting out into nervous laughter. This was ridiculous. Caleb had said he was good with cats, but this - this was on a whole different level. Fjord took a deep breath to calm himself and carefully kneeled beside him, affection blossoming in his chest as Caleb turned to him with a wide grin, eagerly presenting the cub to him.

“I think I have found something, Fjord.” Caleb snickered, and Fjord shook his head, laughing at the obvious imitation of what he had said to Caleb at the spell site yesterday. He slowly brought a hand up to pet the lion cub, who pushed insistently back into it with a purr. Fjord couldn’t stop his smile from growing, in response not only to the cub, but watching as Caleb smiled more openly than he had in a long time. The pressure around his chest was singing, and Fjord almost felt like he was about to start singing along with it. Caleb opened his mouth to say something when a screech scared the lion cub, and it scratched its way out of Caleb’s hands, running off. They both turned to stare at Veth who was pointing at them, eyes wide.

“That was a lion! You were holding a lion!” She squeaked. Fjord raised an eyebrow in amusement. Caleb shook his head.

“A lion cub, Veth, not a lion. It was just a baby.” He countered. 

She crossed her arms in disbelief. “Would you raise a baby demon because it was a baby, Caleb? Is that what you’re telling me?”

Caleb looked up at the sky with exasperation, before standing up, brushing his hands over his knees to wipe off the dirt. Fjord followed suit.

“I suppose you are right, Veth. Come, let’s go back to the group before they worry too much.” Caleb offered, and Veth muttered something under her breath before running up to take his hand. Fjord followed a few feet behind them, trying to commit the last 5 minutes to memory, so he could remember it clearly whenever he wanted to call upon it.

They met back up with the group quickly and continued their trek back to the ship. The next few hours passed by uneventfully, Veth telling her version of the story (where the lion cub was about triple its actual size, and had massive teeth), and Jester describing to Caleb the red panda they had seen. As Fjord pushed aside another vine, he noticed Caleb nodding his head in thanks, moving into the area that had previously been blocked. Fjord then promptly realized that he was, in fact, walking with Caleb. Had been doing it for at least the past hour, and just hadn’t noticed. It had seemed natural, something that had happened plenty of times before, even though it definitely hadn’t, because Caleb nearly always walked with Veth or Beau.

Caleb suddenly stopped walking and turned back to him with a frown, and Fjord realized that he was still standing by the previous vine. He smiled apologetically and returned to his place by Caleb's side. They continued walking together.

And if Fjord felt more pleased than he should have about this change in marching order, well, only he and the swirling pressure around his chest had to know. Which, Fjord thought, could really not judge him. Because the pressure was just as delighted about this change too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Caleb and a lion cub wouldn't leave me alone so I had to put it in there somewhere lmao. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kind comments, each one made me smile and gave me the motivation to continue writing. All your kudos were appreciated too <3
> 
> If you wanna come scream at me about widofjord or CR in general, my Tumblr is @averylovingdragon


	3. When You're Afraid, Darling, I Will Sing to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to my beta @coruscantspark for being amazing and spotting my mistakes. I love youuu!

As soon as the Balleater came into sight, there was only a few moments pause before Veth sent a quick grin to Beau and took off running, tossing a challenge behind her. Not wasting a second, Beau started sprinting, quickly gaining due to the fact that she had a much longer stride length. Veth let out a shriek as a few seconds later she was overtaken, and Beau laughed triumphantly. Before she could get too far ahead, however, Veth leapt onto her back, throwing her arms around her neck, and clutching her legs tight around her waist so Beau couldn't easily shake her off. 

"That's cheating!" Beau accused, but her tone was light and she didn't stop sprinting towards the ship.

Veth made an offended noise high in her throat, and appeared to pull at her hair. "You having longer legs is cheating!" 

The response Beau gave to that comment definitely included a few curse words, but the girls were too far away at that point for Fjord to hear exactly what they were.

Growing up the way he had, Fjord had always been too nervous to partake in challenges the way Beau and Veth did. Competition over small things was seen as childish, and especially when he was under Vandran, that was the last thing he wanted to be. Looking at them now, however, Fjord realised with pleasant surprise that he would have been comfortable joining in if they had asked him. Comfortable because it was them, and he knew with certainty that participating wouldn’t change their opinion of him at all. His heart burned slightly inside his chest, and he sent a quick prayer of thanks to the Wildmother for the family that he had somehow managed to find.

A soft chuckle sounded next to him, bringing him out of his thoughts, and Caleb leaned closer to Fjord to whisper in his ear. “10 gold on one of them needing healing by the time we reach the ship.”

Fjord felt blood rush to his face at the wisp of air brushing his ear . “I’m not taking that bet, I might as well throw away my money.”

Caleb laughed lightly at this, and returned back to his own space. Fjord missed the warmth of his presence already. “Ah, that is true, I apologize. But can you blame me, when fine paper and ink costs so much?” He grinned. 

While Fjord appreciated the joke, it did actually remind him of something he’d been meaning to bring up.

“I’ve been thinking about that actually,” Fjord began, speaking slowly and choosing his words carefully, so the wizard wouldn’t misunderstand and outright dismiss the idea immediately. “And I realized that the rest of the group doesn’t have to pay for the things they need the way you do. I mean, I don’t have to spend any money on learning spells, and neither does anyone else. You do, though. We try to split the money we earn equally, but it’s not really equal if you have to spend your gold on things we don’t even need to consider. Your spells keep us alive, Caleb, and I was thinking we could all pitch in the next time you need more materials. Equity and all that.”

Fjord stared straight ahead, trying not to show how nervous he was about what Caleb’s response would be. Accepting things didn’t come easily to the wizard. Punishing yourself for past mistakes didn’t exactly involve receiving gifts, after all. But Fjord had seen Caleb getting better and better these past few months. Smiles came easier to him, he made jokes more often, and gods he even cast that seeming spell on Fjord after the spa all those weeks ago, for nothing but his own and the group’s amusement. Caleb was getting better. He only hoped that he had gotten to a place where offers like this were okay. If Fjord had brought this up too early, Caleb would take even longer than he would have to come around. 

"You would… you would do that for me, Fjord?" Caleb uttered softly after a minute, clasping his own hands together tightly in front of him (Fjord vaguely wondered if it was to stop himself from scratching) and slowing down to a stop, though he didn't look at Fjord directly. Fjord stopped beside him.

"I would," Fjord agreed. "And I know that the others would too." Seeing a light blush start to dust Caleb's cheeks made Fjord blush too. Coughing slightly awkwardly, he looked to the others, noting that they had continued on, but at a slower pace, respecting their conversation. 

There was another minute of silence from Caleb, as he presumably thought things over, before he looked up at Fjord to search his eyes. Fjord stared back, taking care not to look away, and his patience paid off as the man eventually spoke, even though his tone was obviously hesitant.

"Perhaps when we get back to the Dynasty, I will take you up on that. If people are still willing, of course." 

"They will be," Fjord smiled gently. "I can't wait to see what you do next, Caleb. I swear you get more brilliant by the day." 

The blush that had started to fade on Caleb’s face came back full force, and the wizard turned a bittersweet smile at the ground before starting to walk again. Fjord quickly followed.

"I am not that great. But, ah, thank you. I am glad you think so all the same." He admitted, meeting Fjord’s eyes.

Before Fjord could unpack all the different implications of that statement and give a proper thought out response, they arrived at the ship, and the conversation halted as Fjord was reminded that he was, actually, the captain (somehow), and therefore had to inform the crew of their next move. By the time everything had settled down enough that Fjord could hold a proper conversation about things other than sailing, Caleb was getting his hair braided by Veth near the bow of the ship, and there wasn't really a chance for Fjord to open up the conversation again without interrupting something that was obviously very special to both of them. 

Considering what boring task he should do next (there were unfortunately still some damages from the fight, and other duties that had to be done daily), Fjord lazily looked around and noticed Caduceus starting to head below deck. Ah - it was near lunch time. Well, putting repairs off for another few hours couldn't hurt. He'd much rather spend time with Caduceus anyway, and he was technically helping with lunch, so it could be counted as work if he pushed it.

Looking around one last time to make sure the crew were keeping things handled, Fjord nodded at Orly as he passed him and followed Caduceus down into the kitchen, the Firbolg just starting to get a cutting board out as he walked in. 

"Oh, Fjord." The Firbolg immediately smiled, eyes going slightly soft. "Did you want to help?"

"I would, as long as you don't mind - too many cooks in the kitchen and all that, I'll understand if you'd rather I piss off somewhere else." Fjord said, slightly hesitant, his cheeks flushing lightly at the fond look Caduceus was giving him. Caduceus' smile widened.

"I would love nothing more. Here, start with the garlic, we need about two cloves. If you could also cut a few of these tomatoes when you’re done, that’d be great. I'll do the onion, though, I know it makes you cry." Caduceus said, and Fjord thought there might have been a slight teasing lilt to it, but he couldn’t really tell (Fjord never could tell with Caduceus, he thought wryly).

Nodding, he went to take the garlic, chopping at a slow pace at first, as he didn’t do this too often, but quickly speeding up and getting into a comfortable rhythm. 

They worked in comfortable silence for the most part, aside from Caduceus' kind instructions every few minutes, and Fjord could feel the tension of everything that had happened the past few days start to just melt away. It was different, though, from how he had felt earlier that morning, sitting next to Caleb at breakfast. 

That had been almost otherworldly. 

At breakfast, he hadn't wanted to move. Everything had just completely... settled. Every worry in his mind had been calmed to the point that he almost fell back asleep - and Fjord never fell back asleep that soon after he woke up. Once he was awake he tended to stay awake. That whole breakfast time was so different to anything he had felt before, including all his time with the Nein previously. Fjord hadn't worried about the trip back, or the pressure swirling his chest, or anything at all, really. He just let himself be.

This, now, with Caduceus, was different.

He was relaxed, yes, but still very much aware of time outside of this kitchen. He was still thinking of all the tasks he had to do, all the potential problems that could arise, as well as a bunch of other passing thoughts that just ran through his mind. Being with Caduceus and focusing on a simple task like this, where he didn’t need to be in charge, just made all those worries easier to handle. And so he relaxed. 

Earlier, those worries had almost disappeared entirely, and even though he was marginally aware of them existing, they just - hadn't mattered. Next to Caleb, things had finally felt right with the world. He didn't need to worry, because Caleb was there with him, and they were strong, they could protect each other if it came down to it. Any time with Caleb was special, to be treasured, and all his worries had seemed to switch off in favour of just allowing himself to  _ be _ and enjoy the presence of Caleb next to him. 

It was almost scary. It should be scary, something like that should terrify Fjord. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to even be wary about it. This pressure, this thing swirling his chest, it was something good, he could tell, he just knew. It was good. And next to Caleb, it had relaxed too. 

It was slightly relaxed now as well, but didn't seem to be settling down, basking in Caduceus' presence, like it had with Caleb. Fjord wasn't sure what it all meant. 

"Fjord? Are you alright? You’re thinking very hard about something." Caduceus noted with a frown, and it snapped Fjord out of his thoughts. He turned to smile at the Firbolg apologetically.

"Yes, yes, sorry. I'm okay. I was just, uh, thinking about the whole thing where me and Caleb blacked out." He said, which technically was true, as it was the stem of what he was thinking about. Caduceus narrowed his eyes, seeming to know that Fjord was holding something back.

He appeared to allow him his secrets, however, turning back to pour Fjord’s chopped tomatoes into the bubbling pan. 

"That was interesting, yeah. The nice kind of interesting, though. Not sure what exactly it was, but the Wildmother was present, and…" Caduceus frowned lightly before continuing. "I could feel another presence there as well. I'm not sure who it was, but they were strong, and appeared to get along well with Melora. The rest of the group said they felt its presence too. We never really got a chance to talk about that, huh." 

Fjord furrowed his brows in thought while Caduceus went back to cooking. He tried to form some sort of hypothesis in his head about what all of this could possibly mean.

Melora, the tree, the pressure he shared with Caleb, the other presence, he tried to piece it all together, but drew up a complete blank. He didn't know why anything would give him this… thing around his chest, though he certainly wasn't complaining. It was beautiful, and if he focused on it for even a second, he could feel the love and joy it seemed to exude. He would hate to be rid of it now. It almost seemed like a reward for something, but Fjord had no idea what that would be, and he certainly hadn't done anything more heroic than the rest of the group.

"Whoever it was, and whatever was done, I feel like it was meant to happen, both to you and to Mr Caleb." Caduceus went on when Fjord didn't reply, getting a pinch of some sort of spice out of the top right cupboard and sprinkling it into the sauce. 

"Strangely, I do too." Fjord mused. And he was not one to believe in destiny. The incident with his name only further supported that.

Behind him, the door suddenly slammed open with a thud, and Jester skipped through with an elated grin on her face.

"Caduceus, Fjord! Guess what?” She sang. “Veth finally managed to open that creepy box! You know, the one that weirdo gave us at Travelercon? Get this, it had these reaaaaally cool, fancy mugs in it. And they automatically fill up with whatever drink you're craving!. They’re so pretty too! I had soooo much hot chocolate, I think I might get sick." She informed excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she dropped the armful of magic mugs onto the table. Fjord's eyes widened. 

"Any drink, Jessie?"

"Any drink! You can finally have that gross ale you like from Port Damali again." She teased, sticking out her tongue. Fjord stuck his out as well in retaliation. 

"That's nice," Caduceus hummed, turning off the heat and grabbing some plates from the bottom cabinet where all the dishes were kept. "I’m excited to try it. I wonder if certain blends of tea can be replicated…" He trailed off, scrunching up his nose in thought. Gods, he was endearing. 

"Go grab the rest of the Nein, Jester, I think lunch is about ready. We'll set the table." Fjord directed, taking half the plates from Caduceus and starting to lay them out. Jester agreed and turned back, calling for the others with a shout that almost had Fjord's ears ringing. A minute or so later, Jester returned with the rest of the group, apart from Caleb. Jester shrugged when Fjord gave her an inquiring look. 

"I'm not sure where he is. Should I send him a message?" She asked, already reaching for her symbol of the Traveler. Fjord shook his head in response. 

"It's fine, save it. I'll go get him." Fjord said amicably, swivelling out of his chair and walking towards the door, leaving the excited chatter of the Nein behind. 

The sun was at its highest at this point in the day, and Fjord squinted, quickly looking left and right to make sure the crew hadn’t encountered any problems, before starting the climb up to the crow’s nest. Back in his sailing days he had done this so often that the whole thing was just muscle memory, and as such he only realized he was actually climbing by the time he was almost to the top. Why had he automatically gone to the crow’s nest? 

Pausing a few meters below the platform, Fjord furrowed his brow and thought back through the last few minutes. Although the crow’s nest was a good place to check for someone who was missing, there were also many other places Caleb could be, and Fjord had definitely not weighed the different options in his mind. He hadn't thought 'I should start at the crow’s nest', because he hadn't thought anything, he had just gone. That paired with what had happened earlier in the day, it couldn't be a coincidence. 

But if it wasn’t a coincidence then what exactly - No. No, Fjord was just overthinking things because of everything that had happened to them recently. He had come automatically here because it was obvious this was where Caleb would be, and that was that.

Determinedly ignoring the knowing whisper in the back of his mind, he continued climbing, shortly getting to the top. He pulled himself up, looking into the nest, and felt his whole heart start to melt into a puddle in his chest. Curled into the corner, surrounded by the pillows Caduceus had put up there previously, was a fast-asleep Caleb. There was an open book in his lap, and he was snoring quietly. He looked calm, peaceful, unlike that morning when he had woken up.

The pressure around his chest was swirling with something almost like pride, and Fjord absently went to feel it with one hand. He was pleased that Caleb was getting the rest he needed. The wizard deserved to be able to relax, to be comfortable like he obviously was here. Fjord just looked at him for a full minute, a sappy smile on his face, before he realized that what he was doing was incredibly creepy and that Caleb would definitely not be comfortable with it. 

He reached out to shake him awake, but pulled his hand back at the last second when the pressure around his chest tightened considerably, to the point of being almost painful. It loosened almost as soon as Fjord's hand was back at his side. Fjord frowned.

Well, whatever that had meant, he was glad that it had happened because he suddenly realized that shaking Caleb awake was probably not a good idea. Being shaken awake usually meant that you were about to get attacked, and that was definitely not a nice wake-up call. He was almost amazed at his own forgetfulness. 

"Caleb," he whispered softly, trying to bring the wizard to consciousness more kindly. "Caleb, wake up. Caduceus made some lunch.”

Caleb stirred slightly, blinking a few times. Tiredly stretching, he rolled his shoulders back and yawned, before sleepily looking towards Fjord. He was obviously not quite awake yet. Fjord couldn’t help his affectionate smile at the sight. The wizard’s hair was ruffled, sleep still covering him lightly, and his eyes were looking at Fjord with trust. Seeing Fjord's smile, some awareness started to return to Caleb’s gaze, and the tips of his ears turned red. Fjord smiled wider.

“Lunch is ready, thought you might want some. Some sort of tomato soup today.” he explained. Caleb blinked confusedly, before looking up at where the sun was in the sky, eyes narrowing as he tried to get his body clock back in sync. Fjord would never understand how he did that.

“It appears the time got away from me.” Caleb thought aloud, returning the book to the holster at his side and securing his jacket. Standing up, he turned back towards the rigging Fjord was still hanging onto with a smile.

“Ah, thank you Fjord.” he nodded, starting to reach out to clasp Fjord’s shoulder in gratitude. His hand landed. And Fjord’s whole world, with that one touch, completely shifted. Shifted to focus on Caleb Widogast. On absolutely everything about him. His eyes and his hair and his smile and his kindness and his intelligence and his blush and his wisdom and his humour and, gods, he was so beautiful. Fjord was completely lost in him, never wanted to be found, because this felt right; no, it was right. Knowing each other in this way, being lost in one other, this was right. Yet at the same time, he felt more grounded than he had ever felt before. He felt powerful. He felt ready to take on any enemy that came, because he knew Caleb, and Caleb was strong, and Fjord was strong, and together they were unstoppable. Together they could do anything. Together-

Caleb took his hand away, and they both gasped in shock at the immediate shift back to normal. Fjord felt his legs start to wobble, and scrambled to hold on tighter to the rigging with his hands, while Caleb stumbled backwards and grasped the barrier behind him. They stared at each other. 

Fjord’s heart was beating fast in his chest, and he used all his strength to tear his eyes away from Caleb’s gaze, so he could start breathing properly before his legs really did give out and he had to be revived on the deck of the ship again. That was definitely not an experience he wanted to repeat. 

The pressure around his chest was closer than usual, and Fjord could almost swear it was humming a soothing tune. He closed his eyes and listened. Listened to the comfort and the love, the fondness as it curled around him, the way it assured him without words that everything was okay, assured him that this was meant to happen. Fjord relaxed. Hearing Caleb shuffle closer towards him, he looked up again to see the wizard with a hand on his chest, looking at him unsurely, though Fjord was relieved to notice he didn’t seem afraid. Strangely, Fjord wasn’t afraid either. A few moments later, the uncertainty disappeared and a small, shy smile appeared on Caleb’s face. Fjord smiled back.

“Let’s go get some lunch, ja?”

  
  


  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO
> 
> That happened. I'm curious to see if any of you have any ideas about what actually went down and what's been done and why. Leave your theory in the comments (if you're a commenting person of course ;) no judgement here). Thank you to everyone who gave comments and kudos on the last chapter and helped me gain the motivation to continue writing, I love you all <3
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! As usual, you can find me on Tumblr at @averylovingdragon. 
> 
> And may your dreams of Caleb and Fjord be very gay.


	4. Would You Lie With Me, and Just Forget the World?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy everyone!! This is a bit later than I wanted it up (apologies) but it is here!!
> 
> Once again, thanks to my amazing beta @coruscantspark
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

Fjord was attempting to fix some broken planks on the deck of the ship when he saw him. Sabian. Holding a barrel of black powder and heading below deck. Which was exactly how he had looked last time, exactly how he had looked the night the ship blew up and Fjord's whole world was turned upside down. It was happening again. 

Heart leaping into his throat, he shot up, immediately running after him. A numb sort of fear was spreading through his body, and he ignored the shouts of the rest of the crew as he started on the stairs.

He tripped.

He fell. 

_Pain_. 

Something had happened to his left leg. It was burning, screaming, but the pain did not matter, could not matter. He got up and started running again.

A concerned shout echoed behind him, panicked and confused. "Fjord?!" 

Fjord didn't have time to respond, gritting his teeth, ignoring the pressure around his chest which begged him to listen. Staggering from his hurt leg, he used the wall to take a sharp left and went straight for the storage room that held their ammunition. 

It was as he had thought. Sabian had already poured most of the powder from the barrels onto the ground, and was just lighting the fuse when Fjord slammed the door open and stumbled in. 

They paused for half a second. And then -

Sabian went for his knives. Fjord dove for the fuse. But Fjord's leg was injured, and Sabian's was not, and Fjord tumbled to the ground before he could reach it, grunting with pain as a dagger sliced into his arm. He felt another slash into his back. Another and another. He heard Sabian run. 

The door was thrown open a couple of seconds later, and the intake of breath was so loud that Fjord could hear it through the buzzing of bright hot pain burning his body. A part of him immediately relaxed slightly, the pressure that was circling him calming down too. 

"Fjord...Sheiße!" The voice from earlier cried, before he felt someone run past him and attempt to stamp out the sparks that were rapidly nearing the powder. Whatever material Sabian had used, it was definitely effective, as it refused to stop burning. Just like it had last time. The ship was going to blow up again. And he was going to drown. 

_~~Please, he didn't want to drown, not again, please -~~ _

Abruptly, he felt a hand lightly caress his face, and then gently turn up his chin. His eyes found Caleb's. The human was looking at him with fear, eyes dancing across his body from wound to wound. They stopped on his leg. Caleb's grip tightened. 

"It's going to be okay, Schatz. It's going to be okay. I will- I will draw us a circle and we will be back in Nicodranas in one minute." the wizard whispered, swallowing tightly.

Fjord didn't know who Caleb was trying to convince. 

The man let go of him and shakily got his chalk out, quickly starting to draw the outline of the circle. Fjord screwed his eyes shut tight, and clenched his hands into fists. 

_~~I don't want to drown, I don't want to drown, not again -~~ _

"There's no use, Caleb" He mumbled defeatedly against the deck. "It will only take about 10 more seconds. You can't finish your circle in that time."

_~~Gods, Caleb was going to drown too, no, no no no no--~~ _

The scratching of chalk against wood stopped, and Caleb was suddenly at his side again, lifting him up into a sitting position. Fjord's eyes immediately slid to the shortening fuse. About eight seconds left. Caleb ran a hand through his hair. 

"Look at me, Liebling. Don't look there, look at me." Caleb urged, and Fjord obediently turned his gaze from the impending explosion to Caleb. Even this close to death, Fjord noticed how beautiful he was. He couldn't help his smile. If he was going to die, he was at least glad that this was his last sight. Caleb smiled tightly back. 

The hand running through his hair slowed slightly, and Fjord hazily noticed Caleb's eyes scanning him over intently, as if he wanted to be sure he would remember him, even in death. Despite the situation, Fjord somehow still felt blood flood his cheeks.

"Liebchen…" Caleb muttered, wandering eyes coming back to meet his. Fjord felt his heart burn. The pressure swirled with intent and love. Shakily lifting his hand to Caleb's own face, Fjord scanned the wizard back. The pressure was burning, his heart was too, and they were about to die. What did he have to lose by finally admitting what he had known for over a year?

"Caleb, I-"

The ship blew up. 

* * *

Fjord woke up abruptly, hastily sitting up and taking heaving deep breaths. After the outright panic had lessened slightly, he realised he could hear a quiet shuffling sound from the other side of the dome, and Fjord looked over to see Caleb shakily packing up his bedroll. Watching uncertainly, anxiety still thick in his throat, he noticed Caleb clutch his arms tightly around himself before slowly looking in Fjord's direction.

Had Caleb had a nightmare too?

They stared at each other for a few seconds, both shivering with the echoes of fear, before Caleb started making his way to Fjord's side, carefully stepping over the sleeping bodies of the rest of the Nein. In response to this, Fjord quickly shifted out of his own bedroll and pushed it to the side, making space for Caleb and him to sit next to each other on the wooden floor. The half-orc smiled reassuringly as Caleb approached, making sure he knew that his presence was wanted. The man stood hesitantly by Fjord for a second, seemingly at war with himself, before appearing to give in to his urges and sit as close to Fjord as he could. It was almost an exact imitation of what had happened yesterday morning. Fjord couldn’t blame the wizard for being slightly clingy, though. Having Caleb right there next to him and not drowning at the bottom of the ocean was quickly helping to lessen the terror of his nightmare.

They sat silently for a full minute, still shivering, before Fjord thought of something that might help. He searched his bag for the thick blanket he didn't usually use (he ran hot), throwing it around their shoulders when he found it in the hope that it would at least bring them a little bit of comfort. He refused to admit to himself that it was also because he knew Caleb kind of looked ridiculously cute in a blanket.

The wizard startled slightly when he felt the blanket land, but soon relaxed when he realized what it was, turning to look at Fjord with a questioning glance. Fjord shrugged with a smile. 

He knew that they were shivering because of their nightmares and not because of the cold, but in his experience, most comfort items, no matter their original purpose, could help lessen the fear of a nightmare. He was pretty sure a blanket counted as a comfort item.

Caleb seemed to accept that he wasn't going to get an explanation, looking to the group for a second, before glancing back at Fjord once more, a different question on the tip of his tongue. Fjord waited, curious, but Caleb let out a quiet breath and seemed to decide against asking, instead just going for it and shifting even closer to Fjord so could lean his head on his shoulder. 

They both gasped as it landed. Fjord felt the centre of his world, his normal focal point of thoughts and awareness of his surroundings switch _completely_ over to Caleb, exactly like it had happened earlier on the crow’s nest. Fjord was aware of everything about Caleb all at once. The bright sound of his laugh and the light dusting of his freckles and the quick pounding of his heartbeat and the sharp edges of his determination and the overwhelming feeling of his _complete_ and _utter **love**_ for this group. And once more, Fjord could not believe how incredibly beautiful he was. 

Unlike last time, though, neither of them moved away. 

The pressure around his chest started to shift, until it felt like it was swirling around the both of them instead of just him. He and Caleb became tied together, linked, almost as if they were one, and Fjord had no words to describe just how good that felt. He couldn't explain it.

It was just- right. This whole thing was right. He had no other way to describe it, just that it was good, and right, and this was how they were meant to be, should always have been. The normal way they experienced the world was incorrect. This was right. Like this, he _knew_ Caleb, and he was confident that Caleb knew him too. And there was no fear in that, because they were strong together, better together, and the pressure was swelling with so much love that there was no room to be scared. 

The initial overwhelmingness that came with the shift started to fade, and left only certainty in its place; certainty that this was where they belonged. Caleb relaxed completely, almost going boneless as he leaned against Fjord, nuzzling his head into his shoulder and sighing with content. Fjord laid his own head on top of Caleb’s in response. 

After a few more seconds, he closed his eyes, everything in him calming, revelling in the sensation of the ~~bond~~ pressure that tied them, the knowledge he had of Caleb, and the feeling of the wizard pressed in tight against his side. A whisper from the pressure brushed against his neck, a suggestion, and Fjord slowly put his arm around Caleb’s shoulders, bringing him in even closer. They both sighed happily.

At least half an hour must have passed in this manner, neither of them particularly caring about the time as they learnt how to breathe together, learnt how to just let themselves be with each other, learnt to enjoy the feeling of closeness and the utter awareness they had of the other person. Fjord was certain that he had never felt so right in his life. 

He spent most of his time wading through all the knowledge of Caleb he suddenly had access to pressed up against him like this, exploring every single piece he could find. He investigated every expression that Caleb made, every smile and every frown, happiness filling him when he realized he could put an exact emotion and thought to each and every one. 

He realized that Caleb actually very much enjoyed being the navigator, and that he liked to feel useful. He found out that Caleb would put his family, the Nein, in front of his pursuit of knowledge, and that he had barely even admitted that to himself.   
  


He noted all the things that clung to Caleb, the most obvious his absolute overwhelming grief, as well as the dark ball of desperation and fear, and he took his time to understand exactly where they all stemmed from. His grief was for his parents, he knew even before he even took a step into it, but he realized as he went further that it was also for Molly, for the life that had been cut too short. Some was even dedicated to other members of the group too, those who had come close to death. A part was dedicated to Fjord, for when he had fallen on the way to the peace talks. He almost went to touch it, to try and run his mind’s finger across it, but a gentle warning from the pressure that encompassed them had him thinking better of it for now.   
  


The desperation and fear was a mix of many different things. Desperation for Ikithon to leave his new family alone, to leave Caleb alone. A muted desperation to get his parents back. Desperation to make himself useful to the group. Fear that Jester would find out who he really was and hate him for it. Fear that the group would leave him behind. Fear that he wouldn’t be able to save the group from a fate he thought was inevitable. 

Fjord felt tears start to clump together under his eyelids and quickly moved on.

Despite the most obvious emotions being the grief and fear, the thing that actually shone the brightest in Caleb was his love. His care and dedication, his concern for the whole group. The way his heart warmed when Beau and Veth partook in challenges together, the way he felt a comradeship with Yasha, the joy he felt around Jester. It was bright and strong, and Fjord’s heart hammered as he sat there, allowing himself to feel it and experience it for as long as he could before it became too much. 

Before the half-hour was over he also came across a bunch of random facts, like that one of Caleb’s favorite foods was freshly baked bread, but that he hated olives with a passion. He found that Caleb had no favorite color because he thought that all of them were beautiful, and that if Beau or Veth ever asked he would participate in their challenges too. He discovered that Caleb actually had a big heart for pranks, and were he not weighed down by so much, he would no doubt be on par with Jester with how much he loved to tease and joke, using his intellect to spread joy and laughter. But he also saw how that trait had been twisted by Ikithon, and how that was a big reason Caleb didn't partake in it much anymore. Fjord sighed sadly and continued on.

He was beginning to realize that there was going to be no end to this exploration, as the depths of a person’s mind and personality could go on forever, but Fjord found he wasn’t afraid. Instead, he was excited. The thought of spending the rest of his life like this, being able to explore everything that made Caleb who he was, going deeper and deeper each day, actually felt like a blessing instead of a curse.  
  
  


Careful not to separate them, Caleb shifted further so that part of his back was pressed against Fjord’s chest, so close he was almost in Fjord's lap. Fjord hummed happily at this development, starting to rub his hand up and down Caleb’s arm with a small smile. 

“I’m really glad you’re here, you know.” Fjord whispered, as quiet as he could lest the spell between them broke. The wizard lifted his head from Fjord’s chest for a second, looking into his eyes.

“Right back at you, Fjord.” He murmured, a proper smile coming to his lips, before snuggling right back down. Fjord huffed a laugh, carefully bringing his other hand to rest on Caleb’s hip. Despite knowing he wouldn’t react badly (he _knew_ Caleb right now, after all), he was still slightly surprised when Caleb accepted it without tensing, actually even leaning into it. He had half a mind to just pull him into his lap, because gods, he kind of desperately wanted to be as close to this man as he could, but the pressure tightened with a slight warning as he thought it, so Fjord accepted with slight regret that it was best not to push his luck.  
  
  


It was another minute before Caleb spoke again.

“So, did you have another wet dream, Fjord?” he joked, though Fjord could easily sense he was actually worried. He most likely didn't even need the extra knowledge of Fjord he had right now to know how terrifying that dream had been. He tightened his hold, hiding his face in the wizard’s hair as he tried to somehow bury his own presence into Caleb’s. A hand started lightly stroking his arm as he built up the courage to speak.

“It was a different nightmare, actually. About a betrayal. Someone who betrayed me before, they came back again. It was almost like a repeat. They blew up the ship.” Fjord divulged. Caleb immediately tensed, which Fjord knew had to be almost impossible to do, considering how relaxed he felt with this thing happening between them. He started to retract his arm from around Caleb’s shoulders to give him some space, when the wizard suddenly and desperately grabbed onto it, trying to stop Fjord from pulling away. Fjord resettled his arm. They both relaxed again. 

“Ah, sorry, I just - I think I may have had a similar dream?” Caleb confessed, biting his lip. Fjord frowned. 

“What happened in yours?”

“I was below deck in a ship I haven’t seen before. I was trying to find my way to the stairs to find out where I was when I saw you trip down them and break your leg. I called after you, but you didn’t stop, so I followed you to a storage room. And there I found you on the ground with- with daggers in your back, bleeding, and a fuse running to a pile of black powder.” described Caleb, Fjord getting a dawning realization the longer Caleb went on.

“Cay, that’s… that’s the exact same dream I had.” Fjord said, emphasizing each word, and Caleb nodded slowly, before gently stroking Fjord’s arm again with his thumb.

“I suspected as much. We woke up at the same time yesterday too.” he reminded Fjord, bringing his head back down to the paladin's chest for comfort as he thought. Softly running his hand up and down Caleb’s waist, Fjord remembered what he could of his dream the night before.

“Last night, I had a nightmare that I was in chained to a wall. And that man was there, the one from Rexxentrum. He was trying to make you hurt me, I think.” Fjord outlined, trying not to go into too much detail for Caleb’s sake. He felt more than heard Caleb take a deep breath against his chest, before the wizard nodded.

“Ja. That is the dream I had too.”

Fjord briefly wondered if he should bring up what was happening with them now as well, the weird shift thing and all the knowledge that happened when they touched, but the last thing he wanted was to separate from Caleb, which might well happen if the topic made the man anxious, so he decided against it. Besides, there was no way Caleb wasn’t feeling the exact same thing, if he felt it was necessary to talk about it he would bring it up. The pressure around them brushed Fjord with an almost teasing laugh. Fjord rolled his eyes.

  
  
“So it appears we’re having the same dreams. Should we… do something about that?” He asked awkwardly, honestly not sure what could even be done. Wasn't sure if he even wanted anything done. Caleb paused for a second as he thought, before continuing to gently rub the arm Fjord had on his waist.

“Maybe eventually, we can say something. The group has a lot on their mind right now with everything going on. But, ah, if it continues to happen each night we can talk to Caduceus about it when we get back to Nicodranas.” Caleb offered. Fjord nodded in response.

“Yes, that’s probably a good idea. Caduceus _is_ very wise.” Fjord mused, looking fondly over towards the sleeping Firbolg. Feeling Caleb lift his head from his chest, he looked down to see Caleb giving him a sly look.

“So. Caduceus?” The wizard hinted, probably in retaliation for Fjord noticing his look to Jester the other day. Fjord huffed. When Caleb didn’t put his head back down, Fjord slowly started speaking, carefully choosing his words.

“Caduceus is kind. Good. He has a lot of love and dedication to this group, despite coming in late, not to mention him being the reason that I finally managed to escape that stupid sea snake."

Caleb tensed at that, so Fjord quickly moved on.

“He really cares about others, and he’s so perceptive, but then he can turn around and not know what the simplest thing means and it’s… I guess you could say the word is adorable?” Fjord pondered, then pulled Caleb in tighter with slight panic when he started to shift as if he was about to pull away. 

The pressure pushed him to mention something he wasn’t sure he’d admitted even to himself yet. And he wasn’t even sure why it should be said, what good it would do. But he mentioned it all the same, anything to keep Caleb from leaving and having to go back to the bland view of everything he had before, the loneliness he knew he would feel without Caleb's consciousness softly brushing his. The emptiness he would feel without the wizard's head on his chest.

“I don’t - I’m not worthy of him though. Caduceus puts too much trust in me and I don’t deserve it.” Fjord didn’t elaborate on exactly why that was. Caleb stopped trying to get away though, so Fjord allowed himself to relax again.

  
  
“Of course you are worthy, Fjord.” Caleb stated, brows furrowed and looking at him with confusion. Fjord felt a weird mix of embarrassment and giddy satisfaction rush over him. He hid his face in Caleb’s hair again. The pressure prodded him once more, and he took a deep breath before admitting something else. 

“I don’t know if I would be ready for that kind of relationship with him, at least right now. Maybe ever. I do like him, definitely love him as part of this family, and I have an important connection to him because of what happened with the Wildmother but, I just - I’m not quite sure how to describe it, I apologize.” Fjord tried to explain, frowning as he couldn’t quite articulate what he knew in his head. Caleb hummed knowingly despite Fjord’s lacking explanation, patting his arm lightly. Perhaps he could understand what Fjord meant anyway, with this thing between them right now giving them so much knowledge, their minds connecting as they leaned against each other.

“Thank you for trusting me with that, Fjord.” Caleb intoned gently, shifting to relax completely against him again. Fjord thought for a second, before finally bringing up what he had been curious about for a while.

“You don’t have to speak about it if you don’t wish to, but… Jester?” Fjord asked, keeping his voice quiet and loosening his hold slightly so Caleb didn’t feel trapped. The wizard sat silently for a minute as he thought, and Fjord waited patiently, not nervous, closing his eyes. He knew Caleb right now, after all, and he could feel that the man was just trying to find the right words.

“I do love her,” Caleb admitted eventually. Fjord firmly ignored the slight jealousy in his heart at that comment and hummed, gently coaxing him to continue. “I do. She is- she is good, kind and funny, and she hides a lot of pain because she doesn’t want to worry others and I- she is good. But I would never be any good for her. I would only bring her down, bring the honest smiles and the joy that are left to an end. She would be better off with Beauregard, who clearly loves her too.”

Fjord frowned the longer Caleb spoke, his heart starting to burn with pain in his chest. But not with the pain of envy, as it had been a few seconds ago, but pain for Caleb. Pain that he could even think that way when he was so fucking beautiful. Fjord would know. He could see all of Caleb right now. Tightening his hold, he took a deep breath and started talking again.

“I don’t think that’s true, Caleb, I don’t think that at all. But either way, even it was, you have to let her know there’s a choice. It’s not fair to her to never let her know you’re an option.” Fjord persuaded, trying valiantly to push aside the last trace of jealousy that remained. Caleb hummed in thought.

“Maybe.” Was all he offered, but it was good enough for now, so Fjord ruffled his hair in response, laughing quietly as Caleb huffed in mock disgust. They continued to sit quietly for a while, vaguely watching the other Nein, but mostly just exploring each other again, when Caleb suddenly yawned. Fjord quickly followed suit. He lifted his hand from Caleb’s waist briefly to rub at his eyes.

“What time is it, Cay?” He mumbled.   
  


Caleb yawned again before responding. “4:03 in the morning. I suppose it is quite late. We should get some more sleep, if possible.” 

Despite saying this, Caleb didn’t even pretend he was about to move from Fjord’s hold.

Fjord groaned, looking bitterly towards his bedroll. Sleep would be good, he knew, but he wanted to separate from Caleb as much as it seemed Caleb wanted to separate from him. Which was evidently not at all.

Even just the thought of not having Caleb pressed against him, the thought of his presence and his very consciousness not brushing his, felt like it would make him die a lonely death.

Caleb hummed consideringly, looking from the bedroll back to Fjord, which Fjord took as permission for what he was about to do.

Deciding he’d leave the consequences to his future self, he turned fully towards Caleb and wrapped both arms around him, before pulling him onto his bedroll so his back was to Fjord’s chest and they were on their sides in a comfortable position. He needed to sleep, but he also knew that going back to that previous state, where he _didn’t_ know Caleb and wasn’t swimming in a sea of all things Caleb was not an option. So, sleeping in the same bedroll it was. Caleb, for his part, did not even put up a token protest, instead snuggling back into Fjord and immediately dropping back off to sleep.   
  
Fjord smiled far too fondly into Caleb’s hair, and soon fell back to sleep as well.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the boys ever actually talk about shit they need to talk about? Or will they just enjoy what's happening while also blatantly ignoring it forever? Stay tuned to find out!!! Lmao
> 
> This whole chapter was really hard to write, because it was actually the scene I first had in my head which inspired this fic, and I wanted to do it justice. I wanted to make it as soft as possible while also staying in character, so I hope that came across.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented their theories last time, they were all a joy to read, and I can't wait til you all know what actually happened.
> 
> Much love to everyone who read this, and I hope you are all blessed with very gay dreams of Caleb and Fjord.


	5. Let Go, Darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta @coruscantspark is the hero of this fic.

It was warm. That was the first thing Caleb noticed. A nice kind of warmth, the kind that made you feel safe and secure, that warmed you through to the inside. The second thing he noticed was a soft rumble against his back. 

He slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times in an attempt to get his brain working properly.

And then he noticed another three things in quick succession.

Fjord had his arm around him. Fjord was purring. And most importantly, Fjord's very being, his very consciousness, was still brushed up against Caleb's own, just like it had been last night. 

He froze, definitely awake now, blood quickly rushing to his cheeks. This felt different to last night. What was happening now seemed a lot less excusable.

Last night, none of the others had been awake. It had been just him and Fjord. And last night he had dreamt (they had dreamt?) that Fjord was hurt and about to die. Last night, most of his brain had shut down in order for him to get that comfort and reassurance he desperately needed. But it appeared the part of his brain dedicated to anxiety was back with a vengeance, and he was suddenly very aware of everything that had happened between them.

He had almost sat in Fjord's lap. He had let Fjord read into the deepest parts of his being. He had outright cuddled into his chest. Cheeks burning, embarrassment heavy, he half-heartedly tried to shift out of the half-orc's hold without waking him up. 

Fjord grunted in response to the slight movement. 

And then he pulled him in closer. 

Caleb gave up trying to leave immediately, ignoring the voice in his head that whispered he hadn't actually wanted to leave in the first place. 

His panicked embarrassment lessened slightly as he allowed himself to relax back into Fjord, and suddenly he was a lot more aware of the pressure that circled them. 

It was… doing that thing that it had done yesterday, where it almost seemed like it was singing. Caleb closed his eyes and listened. It was a beautiful, soothing sound, full of peace and love, and he slowly let the tension drain from his muscles as it led him to rest against Fjord's consciousness once again. 

He hadn't even realized he had been straining away from that bond. He sighed, completely giving in, happily snuggling back into Fjord, both his body and consciousness. Fjord's arms tightened slightly around him, and it only strengthened the feeling of safety that was beginning to envelop him. 

Fjord felt safe. 

His consciousness, although it had some fears on the surface, was bright with love and the need to protect. The need to keep the family he had found safe. It was a feeling that Caleb couldn't help but relax into, trust into, and with the feeling of Fjord right there with him and the pressure still singing, Caleb was very sure he had never felt so content in his life. 

A slight jolt of fear ran through him as he realized with certainty that he did not want to move. That not much could actually make him want to move. 

Part of that, he knew, was whatever had happened between him and Fjord on that island. That's where the pressure had started, and where the weird connection that they had when they touched had come from. It certainly hadn't been there before.

But even without all that, Caleb was sure that he would be feeling the same thing wrapped in Fjord's arms like this. Safe and cared for. Known. Understood. ~~Loved~~. He pushed away the small current of fear, determinedly pushing further back into Fjord, bringing his own arm to rest on top of the one that curled around him so Fjord could not easily disengage it. It was fine, Caleb reasoned with himself, absolutely fine. Normal, even. He and Fjord were good friends, and they had travelled together for a long time. This was normal. 

A few minutes later, no trace of the fear or embarrassment remained, and he let himself breathe in sync with the asleep half-orc, closing his eyes and just revelling in their closeness. 

That was, until he heard a giggle which was soon followed by furious whispering. He quickly opened his eyes, lifting his head off of Fjords chest to turn to the sound, and he immediately blushed as he saw Jester leering at him, Beau beside her wiggling her eyebrows. Yet he still couldn't bring himself to get up. He didn't want to think about what that meant. 

"This is, ah… not what it looks like." Caleb tried, despite being aware that nothing he said would change their minds.

"Suuuuuure." Jester sang, grinning at him. Beau rolled her eyes. 

They all froze when Fjord yawned awake, the half-orc letting out a content sound before snuggling in closer against Caleb. 

Jester squealed.

And Fjord froze too, before immediately scrambling up and away from him, cheeks flushing. The sense of loss that came over Caleb, the sense of wrongness at no longer feeling Fjord, was almost overwhelming. Caleb tried to push it away, swallowing as he sat up and looking towards Fjord, only to see the man with a hand on his chest. He was slightly pale, frowning at the ground for a second, before seeming to come to his senses and looking towards Beau and Jester. 

"That was, uh. Not what it looked like. There- we had a nightmare… " He trailed off at Beau and Jester's unimpressed looks. "Just get to work, would you?" He sighed, starting towards the door. Jester giggled again, before running after him, calling his name, her tone clearly teasing.

Unlike the whirlwind that was Jester, Beau got up slowly, drumming her fingers on her staff before walking over to Caleb. 

“Hey. You good? You don’t usually…” Beau gestured vaguely at Fjord’s bedroll where Caleb was still sitting. Caleb gave her a grateful smile, though slightly awkward.

“Just a pretty bad nightmare, as Fjord said. But, ah, thank you for checking in.” He said with a half-smile, feeling slightly bad for withholding most of the truth, but also knowing they had agreed not to tell anyone. Beau nodded.

“That sucks, man. If Fjord’s asleep next time you get one, feel free to like, kick me awake or something. I’m happy to keep you company.” She admitted awkwardly, not quite able to look at Caleb. The wizard felt a lump in his throat, and just nodded at the ground. He was thankful for her. She gave him one last look over, before grunting and walking out the door.

Caleb watched her leave, absentmindedly bringing one hand up to his chest as he started to look for his bag. Times like these called for a distraction. And he knew no better a distraction than spell work.

_______________________________________

Leaning back against the cushions in the crow's nest, Caleb set the ink down with a sigh and looked out at the horizon. Working with abjuration had never been easy for him, his talent lying in transmutation, and it didn't prove to be easier this time either. But he knew this spell would prove incredibly useful for the group, would protect them from being seperated like they almost were with Fjord, and he knew he was capable of casting it if he could just  _ figure it out. _ Perhaps he was using the wrong component. He had thought that a small pearl would do the job, but maybe the spell was too strong for that, it could be that he needed a diamond-

Out of nowhere, a wave of strong embarrassment with an undercurrent of some other indeterminate emotion (pride, or maybe pleasure?) swept over him, so strong it almost caused him to drop the pearl in his left hand. He closed his eyes and held his breath, trying to stay calm as the intense feelings slowly subsided until they were slightly less noticeable than his own confusion and wariness. 

He opened his eyes. These feelings, these emotions, he didn’t know what they were. Because they certainly weren’t his own.

Putting the pearl down carefully beside the pot of ink, he furrowed his brows and contemplated. The emotions, they had a tone to them that almost felt like… Fjord? Was he feeling Fjord’s emotions? That couldn’t be possible. Surely they had to be touching for anything to happen. But if it wasn’t that, then what could it be? The only other option was another wizard or someone of the like trying to influence his mind. Which, needless to say, was not good. 

Frowning, he gathered all his materials and put them away, before starting the climb down from the crow's nest, carefully looking around to see if he could spot someone who didn’t belong on their ship.

He walked slowly across the deck, smiling weakly at Beauregard when she raised an eyebrow at him, before coming across Fjord and Veth near the stairs. The halfling had her crossbow out, though she thankfully wasn’t pointing it straight at Fjord, and was blocking the half-orc’s way up. Fjord was clearly blushing, not looking her in the eye, and Caleb wasn’t sure he wanted to know exactly what was going on. 

He asked anyway. 

“Veth? Why are you blocking Fjord’s way onto the deck?”

The halfling jumped, spinning around to face him with a slightly guilty expression on her face, before exclaiming, “I was just asking him about his intentions!”

Caleb frowned. He looked towards Fjord. Fjord’s face somehow turned more red.

“His intentions? We know his intentions, Veth, he has said many times what it is he wishes to do right now.” 

Veth frowned at him, confused.

“Not those intentions, his intentions with you! Jester told me what she saw this morning! I was just asking what he wanted with you!” She accused, gesturing towards Fjord with the hand that still held her crossbow. Fjord flinched. Caleb flushed. Ah.

“It was nothing, Veth. A one-off. We both had nightmares, so we sat together for a bit and then happened to fall asleep next to each other.” He always found it hard to lie to Veth, and it seemed she realized he wasn’t being entirely truthful by the way she narrowed her eyes, but she eventually just sighed and put her crossbow away. 

“Whatever. I’ll leave you guys to figure it out.” She rolled her eyes, exasperated, before walking off. 

Caleb looked back at Fjord as he finally stepped onto the deck, and they both smiled awkwardly at each other, unsure what to say after everything that had happened. Fjord bit his lip, before starting to speak. “About last night, I, uh- sorry for-”

“You don’t need to say sorry, Fjord.” Caleb admitted, interrupting as he brought his arms around himself, as if that could somehow make him less vulnerable. He knew he could have lied, or said nothing and let Fjord continue, but the thought of Fjord thinking Caleb didn’t like what had happened,  _ especially _ what had happened last night, seemed wrong. The calm and loving pressure that continually circled him ever since the tree incident seemed pleased with this decision, at least, and nudged him slightly, a way, Caleb supposed, of pushing him to say more. Caleb closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I enjoyed it. It was… nice. It, ah- it made me feel safe.” He continued, not quite daring to look at Fjord as he felt his heart start to speed up dramatically in his chest. It was the truth, after all, and often the truth was the hardest thing to say. 

Pleasure hit him first. Pleasure, then happiness with a hint of disbelief. They flooded him, again with that different tone that told him it wasn’t his own emotions he was experiencing, but someone else's. He tensed with slight wariness, looking to Fjord.

And, as he had subconsciously known would be the case, identical emotions to the ones he was currently feeling were showing on the paladin’s face. He was smiling shyly, but happily, ears slightly red, and he could see that hint of disbelief warring with the pleasure in his eyes. Caleb swallowed. The pressure seemed to be very happy with this development, with the way it felt almost buoyant right now, and Caleb would be lying if he said he felt any differently. If the emotions he felt were Fjord’s he couldn’t bring himself to be wary or afraid.

“Fjord,” Caleb started, tongue feeling slightly heavy in his mouth. “Today, have you- have you felt any emotions that seemed slightly off to you? Or emotions that felt unlike you?”

Fjord’s smile slipped slightly, and it took a more confused edge. “I don’t think so. Why? Have you had something like that happen?” he intoned worriedly, eyes scanning Caleb up and down as if he would actually be able to see the foreign emotions the wizard was apparently feeling. Caleb felt fondness expand rapidly in his heart, and he hid a bright smile behind his hand. The pressure sang happily. 

“Ah, it is probably nothing, Fjord.” He teased, trying to keep the insane amount of affection he felt for the paladin at that moment out of his voice. He wasn’t sure he succeeded. Fjord narrowed his eyes playfully, seeming to get that it wasn’t anything serious, before grinning at him.

“You know I’ll figure it out soon enough.” he challenged, starting to move closer to Caleb, then abruptly stopping as they heard a sudden surprised shout from Veth, who was now near the cannons. 

“I should probably go check that out.” Fjord winced, looking over and seeing smoke start to rise up into the air. Caleb huffed a laugh.

“I think that would be wise, Captain.” He observed, and gave Fjord a parting nod as the man went to fix whatever Veth had somehow managed to do. Turning on his heel, he started to walk towards the railing of the ship, absentmindedly rubbing his chest with one hand to ease the slight longing that had been pestering him ever since he had left Fjord’s hold this morning. 

He couldn’t help his pleased shiver when the soothing pressure around him brightened with joy and love in response, as it seemed to do whenever he brought his hand up to his chest these days. He knew that this wasn’t normal, whatever it was, had no idea how he had been lucky enough to get something that was apparently this rare, let alone lucky enough to share it with someone like Fjord. It was too good to be true. He knew he should be wary. He knew he shouldn’t be engaging with it, that even if it  _ was _ just as good as he suspected ( knew ), then that was all the more reason to ignore it, because this thing that he and Fjord now shared: it was definitely not something that he deserved. 

He sighed and leant both arms on the ship’s sturdy railing, gloomily looking out at the unending ocean. He heard thunder in the distance. An apt representation of his sudden change in mood.

He was trying to change his life, do some good in the world. Become a good person, or at least turn into a better one. But despite that, he had never claimed that he was one  _ now,  _ and he did not have the strength to deny himself something which brought him so much comfort. Something that saw right into his soul, into his deepest thoughts, and still loved him. Something that was bringing him closer to Fjord, allowing him to completely know and understand the man. And that- that was a gift like no other. To be able to know a man that good, to be known back by that same man without fear of rejection or resentment- he would never be able to deserve it no matter how hard he worked. And yet he still couldn’t bring himself to let it go. 

He couldn’t even bring himself to talk with Caduceus about it, just in case the firbolg knew a way to put a stop to it. He always knew he was a selfish man, and this proved it.

The bright love he had felt from the pressure a few seconds ago started to simmer with an undercurrent of sadness, and it curled in closer around him, warming him, almost as if it was trying to envelop him in a hug. Caleb buried his head in his arms so no one would see the tears that had started to fall. He felt at war with himself. With every second, with every brush, he could feel the pressure whispering to him, begging him to just let go and surrender. To allow himself this, to allow himself to stop running from Fjord. Gods, how he wanted to. 

The sound of unsure footsteps brought him out of his internal battle, and he looked up warily to see Yasha standing just behind him, eyes slightly concerned, as she held the bone harp in one hand. Her expression only grew more worried the longer she looked at him, and she started to frown. Caleb was confused at first, before suddenly realizing what was wrong.

His tears. 

“Verdammt!” he hissed, harshly wiping away the damning evidence with his sleeve. He hadn’t meant for anyone to see that. Yasha moved to his side, hesitantly moving a hand in his direction before putting it back down. Caleb took a deep breath.

“I am sorry, Yasha. I forgot-” He began, before being immediately cut off.

“Caleb.” She said. Said with such understanding that Caleb had to take a deep breath to stop himself from crying again. “You don’t have to apologize. Not for that.” She paused until he finally met her eyes, and she gave him a sad smile.

“You look just like I did when Molly declared that we were going to be best friends.” Yasha stated, looking at him meaningfully. Caleb looked away.

“And what look would that be?” He muttered, half hoping that she wouldn’t answer. That hope was very quickly dashed.

“Like you’ve seen the sun for the first time, and you know it’s going to burn, but you just can’t look away.” She whispered gently. Caleb smiled bitterly at the deck.

“Ja. You are better with words than you give yourself credit for, you know.”

Yasha brought her hand up, and this time actually put it on his shoulder. 

“It might burn a little, Caleb. But in my experience, there’s not so much point in fighting it. Not when you know where you're going to end up anyway. It will just wear you down.” The barbarian advised, lightly squeezing his shoulder. Caleb closed his eyes. He knew she was right. He wasn’t strong enough to resist the pull of this thing he and Fjord shared, he would not be able to fight it for much longer. He wanted to give in, to leave the consequences to his future self. It was even harder to fight when one of his family was giving him permission to stop. To rest. 

But Yasha didn’t really know what she was saying. She didn’t know what was really happening, because they hadn’t told anyone, because Caleb was selfish and-

“It’s about that thing that happened with Fjord, isn’t it?” Yasha guessed, bringing her hand back down to her side. Caleb froze. The pressure around his chest seemed to be almost triumphant. 

“Something happened there, something that you’re not telling us. And it’s good, something wonderful, but you think you don’t deserve it, so you’re trying to push it away.” She speculated, tone growing more certain as she went on. Caleb didn’t dare to move.

“I don’t know if you were told this,” Yasha mentioned, “but when you blacked out we felt something. Caduceus said the Wildmother was there, but we all felt a different presence as well. Something else, something good. And it was confident, Caleb. It knew exactly what it was doing, and it knew that what it was doing was right. And it did it to you and Fjord. I’m not going to ask what it is, if you’re not ready to tell me yet. Just…” She trailed off, thinking for a second. 

“It’s alright to be scared, Caleb. But if someone gives you a gift, it’s up to them to decide whether you’re worthy of it or not. Plus,” her tone started to take a teasing edge “I’ve heard that it’s rude to give back gifts. Haven’t we already offended enough gods?” She joked. Caleb couldn’t help the huff of laughter that came out of him at that, and the pressure curled around him with delight. He was not one for the gods, he was not religious, everyone knew that. He didn’t trust them, and he didn’t like owing anything to them. But, still, perhaps in this one case-

“I suppose you are right.” Caleb admitted. He looked back out to the sea. Yasha looked with him. There was a minute of silence between them, a final minute of Caleb trying to find more reasons to fight. But there were none to be found.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and finally surrendered.

The rush of relief and love that came over him was so powerful that he actually stumbled and lost his footing, Yasha’s quick reaction in steadying him the only thing that stopped him from falling straight to the ground. She kept her hold on him until the intenseness faded, and then stepped back, giving him a small smile. Caleb smiled gratefully in return.

“Thank you, Yasha. Seriously. I think I owe you a drink.” He suggested. Yasha shook her head, still smiling.

“You do not owe me anything, Caleb. Not for that.” She paused for a second before continuing. “I am happy when my family is happy.” She implied, and Caleb felt his heart once more burn with the love that he had for this group, for this family that he had found. He nodded.

“Then I will buy you a drink when we get to Nicodranas to celebrate instead. Celebrate our family that we have somehow been lucky enough to find.” Caleb proposed. Yasha let out a very quiet laugh, and opened her mouth to respond, when her arm was suddenly grabbed by Jester.

“Yasha! Beau said she’s going to teach me this dance she knows, and it wouldn’t be a proper dance if we didn’t have music, so can you play your bone harp for us?” She asked, already starting to pull Yasha away from Caleb. The barbarian looked back at Caleb to give him one last smile, before turning to Jester and asking what kind of music they needed. 

Caleb took a deep breath and rubbed his hand on his chest, thankful when there was no longer any hint of sadness. He looked up to the sky, and did something he very rarely did: He prayed.

“To whoever gave this to me: I do not know why you chose me, and I do not know if I deserve it, but thank you. I cannot promise I will look after your interests, I am… I am not one to follow, but I promise you I will look after this gift.” He offered, hoping that it was enough. He relaxed when no response came except for the pressure swirling with love, and carefully sat down against the side of the ship when he heard the harp start to play.

He looked over to see the two girls spinning, slightly out of time with the music, Jester laughing brightly, and Beau smiling softly in response. After just one minute of calm, Jester leaned forward and whispered something into Beau’s ear, Caleb watching with amusement as the monk’s entire face went red, hurriedly speeding up the dance so that the cleric wouldn’t notice it. Jester cackled gleefully. As he watched them, the pressure slowly started to push forward the emotion that he had been repressing when it came to Jester and that whole situation. He warred with himself for a moment, before remembering Yasha’s advice, and took a deep breath.

He let himself feel. Let himself feel the fondness he had for Jester, for the one who had made him feel hope again, let himself feel the happiness he had that Beau and Jester had managed to find each other, whether they realized it yet or not. Let himself feel the heartbreak that he knew he and Jester weren’t to be. It was that sort of bittersweet feeling, that bittersweet knowledge, where you had known from the start that it could never work, and yet there was something there anyway. And you couldn’t help but wonder about different timelines and worlds where something might have been possible. 

But as it was, in this one, he and Jester were not meant to be. He knew this not only because he would not be good for her, but if they became that kind of close- she would not be good for him either. If they were that close, he would always be trying to convince her that he was good enough. He didn’t know if he would be able to be himself around her. And that wasn’t fair to her, or to him. 

It was something that was incredibly hard to admit to himself, but it was true, and when the pressure swelled with endless pride and love in response to his realization, the fact that it was a hard pill to swallow no longer mattered. He watched Beauregard and Jester twirl for another few seconds and let out one final bittersweet smile. 

And he let the last of his hope for him and Jester fade away.

He felt something in him almost break to pieces, yet somehow be built up again at the same time. He was hurt, yet happy; pained, yet relieved. Caleb didn’t know if he had ever felt so upside down in his life. 

A gentle tug from the pressure had him looking up, and he watched as Fjord walked over with a concerned frown. His heart sped up slightly, and he stood up, giving Fjord a questioning glance. 

“That emotions thing you were talking about? I just felt it.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yasha borrowed Caduceus' wisdom for the day lol
> 
> First chapter from Caleb's pov :o hope you guys enjoyed seeing things from his side.
> 
> This chapter ran away with me and ended up being longer than I meant it to be lmao
> 
> Again, much love to everyone, lemme know what you guys thought, and I'll see you all in the next chapter!


	6. As We Lay in Fields of Barley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks to my magnificient beta @coruscantspark!

Heartbeat rabbiting in his chest, Fjord shut the door to the captain’s quarters behind him as he looked over to the bed where Caleb was sitting, nervously scratching his arms. Fjord could still feel a distant echo of all the emotions that had surrounded him, the absolute heartbreak and the overpowering wave of relief. Conflicting emotions that somehow existed at the same time. Caleb’s conflicting emotions. Fjord didn’t know what they meant. Swallowing tightly, he shuffled over, going to sit beside the wizard on the bed, eyeing him to make sure it was not unwelcome. He wasn’t sure what to say, honestly- if he should say anything at all. 

Yesterday they had agreed not to talk about it to the others. They had barely talked about it themselves, to be fair, completely ignoring the effects of what happened when they touched, despite it clearly happening to both of them. And now it had gotten worse- they were feeling each other’s emotions.  _ ‘Was it really such a bad thing?’ _ Fjord’s traitorous mind whispered to him, and he closed his eyes with a pained sigh.

He didn’t know what to think.

“I suppose,” Caleb started after he cleared his throat, accent thicker than usual, “That you felt what I was feeling a minute ago? The, ah- the sadness, and the… relief?”

Fjord looked over to see him tightly clasping his hands together. He nodded. “I think so. You said you felt some emotions that might have been mine too, yes?” 

“Ja. When you were with Nott- Veth, I mean. You, ah, were feeling embarrassed? I think?” He queried, looking towards Fjord with an uncertain gaze. Fjord felt heat rise to his cheeks at the reminder of Veth’s interrogation, and looked down at the floor as if it could give him the answers he needed. Hearing Veth interrogate him as if he and Caleb were dating or something had… felt good, even if it was slightly embarrassing. But he had gotten past that, gotten past those feelings, because Caleb cared for Jester, not him. It would do no good to dig them up again. The pressure squeezed him in slight sadness and frustration, and Fjord blinked, slightly confused. 

Caleb shifted awkwardly on the bed, and Fjord suddenly remembered he hadn’t actually answered the man. 

“Oh, yes, sorry. That, uh. Yes. That sounds about right.” He nodded, hoping that Caleb hadn’t also felt how pleased he had been at Veth’s assumption. The frustration from the pressure increased. Fjord brought his hand up to his chest to try and sooth it, realizing when he looked over to Caleb that the wizard was doing exactly the same thing. They both dropped their hands guiltily, as if they were children who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

“These emotions we are feeling are definitely likely to be from each other, then. Considering that we share each other’s dreams, as well as everything that… happens when we touch” Caleb offered, a shadow of vulnerability passing quickly over his face as he looked towards the paladin. Fjord’s heart missed a beat at the mention of what they had been steadfastly ignoring before. 

And suddenly everything felt a bit more real. Keeping these things mostly to themselves, not speaking about it, that had allowed Fjord to keep a distance from everything, as if it could go away at any moment. But with Caleb finally admitting it- to both himself and Fjord- he couldn’t very well be in denial anymore. This was really happening. Caleb really was experiencing everything that he was, they really could feel each other’s emotions, they really were bonded _connected_. A strange sort of giddiness started to build up in his chest, rising no matter how hard he tried to push it down, and Caleb let out a sudden startled laugh. Fjord blinked, looking at him in confusion before remembering what they had just been speaking about. He could feel the half-orc’s emotions, feel the very same happiness that the paladin was.

Fjord smiled. He should have felt embarrassed, afraid that he was being read so easily, but at this moment in time there was just no way he could bring himself to feel anything like that. To feel any sort of negative emotion was inconceivable. He just couldn’t, not when he had been gifted something like this, something so, so precious. The pressure’s irritation that had been nagging at him shifted into a calm happiness in response to his thoughts, and it swirled around him joyously until he couldn’t help but laugh. 

And then Caleb was laughing with him, and they were both giggling uncontrollably like school children who had no troubles in the world. Eventually, when the laughter had trailed off into only occasional spurts, Caleb turned to look at him.

“This thing between us…” he began, and Fjord motioned for him to go on when he started to trail off. “This thing, it is… it is good, right? It does not feel off to you?”

Fjord shook his head immediately. 

“To be fair, it could be a trick. But I honestly think that it’s good. Caduceus said the presence that was there when this started was good too, and the Wildmother was friendly with them, so I doubt it would be anything malicious.” Fjord disclosed, sending Caleb a reassuring smile. 

Caleb seemed to think something over, bringing his hand up to his chest and looking at the bedsheet with an intense gaze for a few seconds.

“I agree. Then, ah- perhaps we should let it settle? Most of the Nein would not react well if we told them what we are experiencing right now. They are a suspicious lot, even if it is with good reason. With everything that has happened to us they would no doubt think of it as a bad thing. If we leave it, if I have time to research it and there truly are no negative effects, their reactions may be less… intense.” Caleb suggested, turning to look at him.

Fjord could easily read the subtext.

_ I don’t want this to end. Please tell me you feel the same. _

It was almost impossible to not understand what Caleb really meant, after he had rested against the wizard’s own consciousness and very being for so many hours the night before.

“I think that would be for the best.” Fjord shyly smiled, heady giddiness still there, tucked away in his chest. Caleb smiled back. 

And so the decision was made. 

  
  


“So about one more day, you think?” Fjord inquired, looking lazily out at the pink and purple painted horizon. Orly hummed for a few seconds, crossing his arms as he thought.

“Should get there in time… mmm… for dinner.” He calculated, and Fjord nodded tiredly in response. They had been at sea for a long time. Fjord had enjoyed it, of course, enjoyed being back out on the waves where he felt at home. But all the same, it would be nice to see Nicodranas again, see Yussa, Jester’s mother, Luc and Yeza. 

A sudden bright spark of amusement and joy flared in his chest, clearly Caleb’s. Instinctively, Fjord turned to where he just knew Caleb was, letting out a quiet laugh when he saw exactly what was happening.

Beau was clearly sulking, half-heartedly glaring at the wizard who was smirking triumphantly. She started hissing something in his ear, to which Caleb rolled his eyes, whispering something that looked reassuring back. The glow of the amusement and joy didn’t fade. Fjord closed his eyes and smiled.

  
  


“Sheiße.” Caleb grumbled, wiping his ink-covered hand onto his coat, frowning at the tipped over ink pot. The harsh wind of the ocean this evening had knocked it over because he hadn’t been holding it, too focused on getting the lines of his spellwork accurate, and now all the ink was almost gone. They would be at Nicodranas tomorrow, true, but he had been hoping to figure out this spell before then, and he couldn’t do that if he had no ink. He had been so close too- it turned out that diamond was better suited to the spell, but the markings were still a little off, and he didn’t know if the very little ink he had left would be enough to figure out exactly what needed changing. He could feel the frustration start to bubble up under his skin, and he was about to snap his spellbook shut in annoyance when an abrupt wave of peace and calm washed warmly over him.

Fjord.

He looked down out of the crow’s nest, and saw the half-orc leaning with his back against the railing of the ship, with a relaxed and open smile on his face. He had his head tilted towards the sky, eyes closed, and was taking in slow, deep breaths of the sea air, a muted sort of joy starting to meld with the peace he was feeling. The wave of calm encompassed him once again, even stronger this time, and Caleb closed his eyes along with Fjord as the ball of frustration that had been building was slowly unravelled into pieces, replaced by peace and relaxation. He started to take deep breaths, following the paladin’s lead, somehow knowing exactly when Fjord was breathing in and out. Their breathing synced. It felt right. The pressure swirled lovingly around him, encircling him with whispers of confidence and affection. Caleb opened his eyes with determination, turning back to his spellbook with a new energy. 

He could do this.

  
  


“I’m really excited to see my Mama tomorrow, guys. It feels like it’s been mooooonths.” Jester intoned tiredly, pulling her blanket around herself and snuggling drowsily into it. Veth sighed happily as she set up her own bedroll, putting her hand crossbow down carefully beside it.

“I can’t wait to never go on the ocean again.” She complained, flopping down onto her bedroll with a groan.

Fjord snorted, dragging his own bedroll next to Caleb’s, who moved a napping Frumpkin out of the way to make it easier for him.

“You know, Veth, I can’t say I don’t love the sea, but even I’m going to be happy to be rid of it for a while. Especially after that fucking dragon turtle.” he recalled, wincing slightly at the memory. Caleb passed him his bag of holding, and Fjord dropped it next to their adjacent bedrolls.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Beau groggily pulled up her own blanket, lying down with a yawn.

Fjord nodded, turning to say goodnight to her, before noticing Caduceus standing at the entrance of the dome, looking at him with a thoughtful frown, left ear twitching.

Fjord froze. 

And he felt the guilt wash over him. His place had always been next to Caduceus these past few months. He and the cleric always had their bedrolls next to each other, they always walked together, and now Fjord had broken that unspoken agreement. He hadn’t even thought about it, hadn’t made a conscious decision to change it, and yet it had happened. Caleb hadn’t seemed to notice the change either, had automatically gone along with it, encouraged it even, by moving Frumpkin and helping Fjord with his belongings.

The wizard gave a concerned hum, evidently feeling the guild Fjord was but not understanding it. Fjord could feel his eyes on his back. He swallowed, and tried to push the guilt far enough away to where it couldn’t affect Caleb, the process eased by the soothing pressure which whispered comforts to him he couldn’t quite understand yet. 

The facts just happened to be that he didn’t want to move away from Caleb, and Caleb didn’t seem to want to move away from Fjord. After last night, the thought of sleeping apart, even if it was only by a few feet, felt incredibly lonely. 

But that didn’t necessarily mean he had to go without Caduceus either. 

He waved the Firbolg over with an apologetic smile, and the cleric nodded pensively, picking up his bedroll and going to set it down next to Fjord’s. Laying down, Fjord grabbed his blanket to have it close just in case the nightmares hit again, then turned to face Caleb when he still felt the man’s eyes still on him. Affection and gratefulness grew rapidly in his chest when he saw Caleb was still concerned over his previous guilt, eyes narrowed with worry. 

He had no idea how the wizard had grown to trust him this much, to care about him this much, and he tried not to choke up, giving Caleb a wide, grateful smile. The human searched him once more, then nodded, shifting right to the edge of his bedroll so he was right next to Fjord. Fjord shifted closer still.

They closed their eyes and slept.

  
  


A bright field of gold. Long ears of barley surrounded them, almost glowing in the wide beam of sunlight, which was hot and comforting on Fjord’s skin. A warm wind rustled his hair, teasing his collar and stirring the fabric of his coat, and Fjord let out a large, content sigh.

Chirps and trills, birds calling to one another from across the field, the sound of crickets clicking and bees humming. He breathed in the summer’s air with a smile, the scent of sun-baked earth strong in his nose, and the only thought in his mind was ‘Beautiful.’

The pressure buzzed excitedly around him, almost restless compared to Fjord’s calm state, and the half-orc brought his hand up to his chest with a grin, looking to his left where Caleb was. The wizard had one knee in the dirt, and was reaching out to a stunningly beautiful blue flower, surprise and slight shock easy to read on his face. The human ran his fingers slowly across the delicate petals, a nostalgic smile coming to his face after a few seconds, and Fjord carefully went to sit down next to him, eyeing the flower curiously. He had never seen anything like it before, though he was definitely not any type of botany expert. 

Caleb looked towards him as he sat down, his smile increasing and turning ever so slightly playful as he ran his eyes over Fjord’s face. Carefully plucking the blue flower, he motioned for Fjord to come closer, shifting easily into a cross-legged position. Not able to deny the wizard anything, Fjord shuffled closer, mirroring Caleb’s position until their knees were touching, and even with that just with that little contact- gods. Caleb’s consciousness, right there within his reach, right next to his.

The pressure once more tied around them, almost melding them together, and Fjord, he- he had fucking missed this so much. Caleb’s very being was shining brightly with nostalgia and… something deeper than that, though Fjord couldn’t tell quite just what it was. (Love, his mind whispered. Fjord pushed it far away.)

Chest filling up with what seemed like endless affection, he opened his eyes (had actually barely been aware he’d closed them in the first place), grinning when he saw Caleb opening his own just a second after him. Caleb smiled fondly back, and Fjord swore he felt his heart actually stop beating for a second in his chest as the man reached out to carefully tuck the blue flower behind his ear.

A rush of memories passed through their bond, from Caleb to Fjord, and the half-orc’s vision faded as short moments from the wizard’s past flashed by his eyelids almost quicker than he could understand them. A girl with brown hair, cropped short, conversation in a language he didn’t understand, light touches and stolen kisses. This same field, confident laughter and whispered promises. A blue flower taken and tucked behind an ear followed by a searing hot kiss. 

And then the flashes were gone. Fjord took in a breath so fast he almost choked, heart beating faster when the pictures started to make sense. Caleb had been here with Astrid when he was younger. His then girlfriend. And he had put the same type of flower behind Fjord’s ear, the same as he had done with Astrid. Who was his girlfriend. Fjord felt his cheeks begin to burn bright red, and he quickly turned away from Caleb, looking instead to the golden field as he took in deep breaths. Caleb’s ink-stained fingers slowly, almost reverently, traced the side of his face, and the man whispered something soft in Zemnian. His chest ached, butterflies raging in his stomach, and he slowly looked back at Caleb. The wizard’s eyes were lazy and content, their usual wariness that sharpened his gaze currently missing, and Fjord’s mouth went dry.

The pressure pressed in closer to him, whispering soothing notes of calm, and Fjord sighed.

He allowed himself to relax completely, the last of his tension fleeing from his body. Caleb caressed the side of his face once more, a small smile starting to appear when Fjord didn’t turn away this time.

And with that, Fjord realized that there was just no way he could fight anymore. He gave into the pressure, leaning forward into Caleb’s caress and closing his eyes in bliss. He no longer had the energy to pretend he didn’t want this, to pretend he didn’t want Caleb. Not when the pressure so lovingly asked him to let it be, to stop fighting, not when Caleb was being so openly affectionate with him. He couldn’t fight it anymore. 

“We’re dreaming, right?” He murmured to Caleb, not bothering to open his eyes. Caleb hummed an agreement in answer to the question, before sighing and taking his hand away. Fjord frowned in dissatisfaction, opening his eyes to give Caleb a questioning look. A distant part of him, from before he’d given in, noted that he should be embarrassed at this reaction, shouldn’t be giving this much away, but here and now in this dream, with Caleb right there, he couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed at all. 

Caleb smirked slightly, patting Fjord’s knee. “Lie down with me, Schatz. This type of weather is perfect for cloud watching.”

Quietly letting out a laugh, he agreed, laying down on his back and making sure he didn’t lose contact with Caleb as he did so. The wizard lay down beside him so that their sides were touching, and they both took in a deep breath.

“This place is near my hometown, you know.” Caleb whispered from beside him. “Only an hour or so away. My family- we would sometimes spend the day here, once or twice a year, bring a… what’s the word? Ah, picnic.”

“It’s beautiful.” Fjord replied, heart squeezing in his chest at the knowledge of how trusted he was. Caleb would not give this information to just anyone. He did not talk of his family to just anyone. The wizard hummed, and Fjord could feel the vibration echo through his own body more than hear it. 

“Can you see it from here? Your hometown, I mean?” Fjord queried, admittedly very curious. He felt Caleb’s fond amusement shiver through his own body, and hid his smile into his arm. 

“Just about, ja. Look. Do you see that small valley in the distance?” Caleb asked, lazily pointing in front of them. Fjord squinted, trying to see what exactly the wizard was pointing at, but all he saw were fields and meadows. He huffed, shuffling closer to Caleb, putting his head on top of the wizard’s chest. Just so he could get a more accurate view of where he was pointing, of course. The pressure brushed over him in amusement, almost seeming to outright laugh when Caleb immediately shifted to accommodate him. Fjord valiantly ignored it. But even with this new angle, he still couldn’t see where Caleb was pointing, and he huffed again in dissatisfaction. Caleb’s responding fondness to the noise made his heart squeeze tightly. Gods, he was so screwed.

“I can’t see it.” Fjord eventually said, giving up. Caleb dropped the hand that had been pointing, and gave a thoughtful noise. Slowly, carefully, he interlocked his fingers with Fjord’s, and Fjord held his breath (their combined nervousness was not making this easy) as Caleb once again pointed, but with both their hands this time.

“There,” He offered softly. “Do you see it now?”

Fjord swallowed thickly, very aware of how red his face must be, and looked once again. In the distance, he finally saw what Caleb- and him he supposed- were pointing at. A very small dip, easily overlooked, that was in between a forest and more fields. He nodded against Caleb’s chest, not trusting his voice wouldn’t stutter.

“It’s in there.” Caleb whispered, bringing their hands back down to rest on his chest. He didn’t let go. Fjord didn’t either. Eventually, they relaxed again, exhilarating and intoxicating happiness filling beneath Fjord’s chest, so bright and loud that it must be echoing Caleb’s own emotions too.

Fjord shifted slightly so that his ear was pressed to Caleb’s chest, tucking in closer with a smile. The steady beat of the man’s heart spoke to his own, and Fjord inhaled in wonder when he realized that their hearts were beating at the same time, were somehow beating in sync. A concerned squeeze brought him out from his thoughts, and he quickly squeezed Caleb’s hand back in reassurance.

“If you want to,” Fjord murmured, “I’d like to hear more about your hometown.”

The grief that Caleb carried with him shivered slightly, but did not increase, so Fjord didn’t worry too much when Caleb started to speak, falteringly at first but growing more confident, describing his memories of the town where he had grown up. Fjord closed his eyes and let the steady beat of their hearts, the pressure, and Caleb’s voice all wash over him, until he almost felt as if they were one.

  
  


Distant instructions interspersed with chatter, calls and good mornings to other members of the crew. The comforting sound of early morning on the Balleater slowly brought Fjord out of his dream. The pressure was wrapped around both him and Caleb, as it had been in the dream, and Fjord realized that he was once more wrapped around Caleb, holding the wizard tight to his chest. Just as he had woken up yesterday morning. The panic that had gripped him yesterday at that realization didn’t come this time, however. Relaxing at its absence, he hooked his head on Caleb’s shoulder and entangled their legs. Both he and the pressure sighed happily at the closeness. 

He lay there for a minute, closing his eyes and just allowing himself to rest, when he noticed Caleb’s consciousness begin to become more aware, out of the blurry state that sleep seemed to put it in. He ran his hand slowly up and down Caleb’s arm, humming slightly. Caleb yawned quietly, then proceeded to lean even further back into him, softly humming back in a way that could pass as a greeting. Fjord hid his happy grin in the man’s hair.

They lay there for a good while, happily not moving, just letting the sound of the crew getting ready for the day slowly bring them back to proper awareness. At one point, Caleb grabbed the hand that Fjord had around him and held it in his own, their fingers intertwining on top of his chest as they had in the dream. If Fjord didn’t have the responsibilities of being a Captain, he would have been very happy to lie there all day. Normally, he didn’t particularly like to sit around and do nothing, he liked to feel useful, to be able to do things and make a difference, but with Caleb, lying down and doing nothing was looking more and more appealing by the minute.

A harsh knock on the door ripped away the remainder of their drowsiness, and Caleb stretched in Fjord’s arms, yawning loudly as a call came through the door. 

“Captain, we’ll reach land in a couple hours.”

Orly.

“Get your lazy asses up!”

And that would be Beau.

“We’re coming!” Fjord yelled back with an eye roll, squeezing Caleb in close for a second before sitting up, although he made sure not to let go of the man’s hand. Caleb sat up next to him, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, and Fjord felt his heart squeeze fondly in his chest as he automatically leant forward to kiss the wizard, only realizing exactly what he was about to do an inch before their lips touched, just before Caleb could open his eyes and notice too.

He quickly let go of Caleb’s hand in his panic, and a great sense of loss quickly came over him, Caleb frowning unsurely at him as they both brought their hands up to their chests to comfort the sudden grief. Fjord grimaced apologetically, but Caleb shook his head with a small smile. 

“I suppose we had to get up sometime, Liebling.” He said, slowly standing up beside Fjord. They looked at each other for a second, unknown questions and offers burning on the tips of their tongues, before exiting the room with not another word said between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HERE IT IS!
> 
> Sorry this chapter took me so long to get out compared to usual, motivation was not my friend these past couple weeks.
> 
> But nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think!


End file.
